By 83’ we were too old for costumes.
We were too cool for that. 13 or 14 years old or whatever. Full dress up was for
little kids. We'd have masks but they were really just a formality for us to get
candy legitimately. The candy was the bonus. The night was really more about the
shaving cream and the eggs. The shaving cream was like the gun and the eggs were
We all knew the routine. During the
day go to ShopRite. Buy a dozen eggs and a couple cans of the cheapy shaving
cream. Get the suspicious knowing look from the cashier. Then go home and go
through cabinets till you found a good aerosol cap. Deodorant spray top or WD-40
or something. Something with a good spray/stream to it. Something that had
distance. We'd pop the foamy top off of the shaving cream and replace it with
the real deal aerosol. The foamy regular spray was no threat. The good power
spray was the way.
The preferred uniform was a hooded
sweatshirt with a pouch. The pouch was good for egg storage.
Then we were out on the street.
Putting on masks only to collect treats like a ‘kid’ but also fully prepared
to deliver a trick (unlike when we were little). We'd go around and shave up the
neighborhood at random. Cars. Telephone poles. Mailboxes. Front doors of people
who had the nerve not to be home. The shaving cream was graffiti and blaster.
We'd fight amongst ourselves with the shaving cream. It stung when you got it in
your eye. But we wouldn’t fight each other with the eggs.
The eggs were serious. They were
meant for other packs of kids. Enemy gangs. If you didn't have eggs you didn't
roll proper like a real gang. Come near us and we'd take out an egg like we were
flashing a piece. Holding it at our hip. Professionally. Maybe we'd go to war
with the other gang. Maybe they'd be recognition between friends. Sometimes it
would be a standoff. It depended on the mood.
Occasionally the really big kids
would swing by and scare us all. They'd have cars and drive around the
neighborhood fake swerving at us and screaming out the windows. Blasting music.
Sometimes throwing eggs at us out the sunroof. Beeping the horn. Attacking like
a tank. We'd hear rumors that some car had a BB gun and was shooting at kids. We
heard one year some kid got hit in the eye and blinded. So we'd scatter when the really
big kids car would come round.
Before the end of the night we'd always stop by the jelly donut lady's house. Every year inexplicably she'd give out jelly donuts. We didn’t think twice about eating them on the spot. Paranoia wasn’t really invented yet. The jelly donuts were way good.
And before it got too late and scary
we'd return to our homes with a big bag of candy, all covered in shaving cream
and maybe some egg shells. We'd spill the candy on the table and marvel at the
booty. Eat up some. Then go to sleep and have the juicy good not too scary