Kicking the Health Kick
I decided last week I wanted to go on a health kick and maybe like exercise and eat right and stuff. I had started to get a little fat and I didn't think I was looking particulary 'healthy'. I got no hair and I thought I shouldn't be like all fat too. I think I should either be bald and trim or fat with good hair. You gotta pick one and unfortunately I don't have a choice or I'd definitely go with fat with good hair.
So I laced up my sneakers and decided to jog. But I realized fast that you don't just 'decide to jog'. You either jog or you don't jog. If you're not jogging then you're running down the street at a good clip going nowhere and that's how I felt. By the end of the block, I had my hands on my kness and I was winded. I decided that jogging wasn't for me. Plus I have bad knees and stuff and my sneakers don't fit right and they hurt. It sucks when you have one foot 12 1/2 and one 13. One always ain't right and they don't make half sizes after 11 anymore.
Then I decided to see if I could exercise in my apartment with like pushups and sit-ups. But I found push-ups to be very difficult and I cheated on most of them. Sit-ups hurt my spine so after trying a few 'regular style', I tried them like with my knees up but it was just uncomfortable. Other than that I don't really have any equipment here to work out with but I do have rollerblades from back in the day. But there's no where around here that seems like a good rollerblading spot. And I feel nervous on the street because I'm uncoordinated and have wiped out many times. It's funny, every time I wipe out I feel like I need to bounce up immediately and then assess the injuries later. And get far away from the point of embarrassement. God forbid I should lie on the concrete for more than 3 seconds.
So finally I decided to skip the whole exercise thing and just try to eat right. I went down the street and loaded up on fruits and vegetables. I decided I was going to make salads and eat fruits and snack on carrots and stuff and maybe try to stay away from red meat and all of that. But making a salad is a huge hassle with the washing and the chopping and the slicing and the cleaning up and the whatever whatever. Total hassle. And a mess. And expensive.
So today I went into my fridge and threw away a whole bunch of week old fruits and vegetables that were old and rotting and I took out a pack of hotdogs, split two of em them down the middle, under the broiler, burned em a little just as I like em. Kosciusko mustard and some relish. Wrapped them in wonder bread. Microwaved Heinz baked beans and sat on my big poofy chair and watched TV.
I decided that happy fat bald guy eating hot dogs might be more attractive than skinny bald guy sadly munching on a carrot stick and stuff. At least for today. Tomorrow maybe I'll try some speed walking or something.