So recently my face stubble has changed. I usually shave like once a week and I've noticed two things slowly changing week by week. 1. I'm getting grey hair in my stubble and 2. my face hairline is going up.
First off the grey.. (btw why the hell is there two spellings of grey/gray. you'd think they would have cleared that up a long time ago. did Webster just start researching grey against gray and get lazy and say screw it let's just do both... what kind of etymoillogical solution is that?) Anyway, some chicks say grey hair makes people look "distinguished". Not sure I'm ready for distinguished as I am certainly not--- but if I get dealt the distinguished card I'll try play it (although it'll probably be pretty obvious that i'm bluffing). The problem is the grey isn't growing in normal. It's all patchy. Only spots here and there have decided to go grey. It's not speckled cool-like. It's spotty. Like little hair villages changed their color in some weird protest of facial hairical solidarity. So I'm not sure the patchy grey makes me look distinguished so much as it makes me look... umm.. patchy.
The other thing is the hairline seems to be going up my cheeks. This I'm not happy with either because I think it's plenty high right now. But week after week I'll see some strays going the extra millimeter. Pushing the boundaries of cheekical respectability. This is a little concerning because it doesn't seem to be stopping and now I have a fear that I'm gonna grow hair all over my face and then I'll have to join the circus sideshow and sit in a pile of hay and kids will throw gummy bears at me and they'll call me Wolfboy (Step right up! Come see the Amazing Wolfboy! The Grey Spotted Wolfboy!) and I'll have to howl every halfhour if I want to get my lunch gruel with things in it that look like raisins but aren't raisins.
Anyway, I guess getting older I'm expected to see changes with stuff. I just wish I could do it normally. Or even somewhat gracefully. Patchy grey wolfman face isn't exactly graceful or distinguished. It's more like... patchy and wolfman-y I think. Plus, all these stubble changes make me want to shave more often which bothers me because I don't like shaving so much because I always miss a spot.
So if this all continues I'll see you in the sideshow! And if you throw gummies at me, aim for my mouth please... I'm sure the gummies will be more tasty than the gruel with the weird non-raisins...