Here Come the Glasses

So the other week I got new glasses. It's been time for me to get new glasses for a while. I could tell it was time because the metal caps on the ends of my old glasses are corroded and when I look close around the lenses I see sort of greenish stuff in there-- which is gross. They're gross. So I went to a few places to try on glasses.

Glasses are a big call for me. As a bald guy there's only a few choices to change my appearance. I can't change my hairstyle so that rules out. I guess could grow my hair long on the sides and dye it green and comb it straight up like this guy. That would be a look change. Or I could grow a beard and supershave my head and get mysterious like Shel. Or I could grow a big handlebar moustache and wax it up and join this club. But I figured glasses were the easiest way.

I've had some bad experience with glasses in the past. I wore big round wrong glasses for a while (ref. WH-172). So I'm nervous about going wrong with glasses. It's a big commitment for me. Like 5 years or whatever and they're expensive. And it's not easy for me to find glasses that fit my head because my head is melon large so alot of glasses look small and make me look like I'm a doctor from the 1887. I've tried contacts but my eyes are too squinty to be regular with them. And I'm too broke and chicken for the surgery. Plus my eyes aren't too bad. (ref. WH-107)

Anyway, I wanted to get something new but nothing too 'Here Come the Glasses...' Here's an example of Here Come The Glasses.  I'm not a HCTG kind of guy. But then again I'm supposedly a cartoon guy so I didn't want to play it too straight with like MBA type glasses with the inviso-frames or thin wire whatever. Or go off the rails mental like this guy.

So I bought a new pair that were pretty close to my old ones... but different. I wasn't sure about my new glasses. They might have been too HCTG or something. I kept looking at myself in the mirror. They didn't look quite right. I kept checking myself out. I knew that the problem was one of two things. The problem was either in my head.... or on my head. 

Anyway, it turns out more likely 'on'. The reaction when I started wearing them out wasn't great. It was sort of weird. Friends noticed them but most didn't seem to want to comment on them.- except for a few people. One friend said, 'Hey! You got new glasses!' When I asked what he thought he said, 'Umm... Eh.' One chick friend asked me if my glasses were purple. I said they were supposed to be brown. She said, 'In this light they look purple...' And one other friend said, 'Nice glasses! Did they come in men's style too?' That was sort of the clincher. 

I realized I made a bad mistake. My glasses were wrong. Luckily, Lenscrafters has a 60 day exchange policy so I went running back there to switch em with something else. On the way there I thought about getting something like Johnny Depp in Secret Window because chicks like Johnny Depp in Secret Window. But the Lenscrafters didn't have any glasses like Johnny Depp in Secret Window so I didn't get glasses like Johnny Depp in Secret Window. 

Here's a picture of the ones I got...

FRUCK!!!! I JUST TRIED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THEM AND MY CAMERA ISN'T WORKING! IT FLASHES THEN MAKES LIKE 10 BEEPY NOISES THEN SHUTS OFF! WTF! CRAP! I gotta go and try and fix this! Maybe it's the batteries! I bought them off a guy in the subway who kept saying, 'Businessman! Batteries! Double A! Businessman!' KNOCKOFF DURACELLS! DANGNAMBIT! FRUCK! WTF!

...oh.. I just took the batteries out and put them back in again and everything is fine. Here be my Glasses. 

ok bye!

tOdd