The One Armed Archer*

So when I was like teen or whatever I worked at a summer camp as an archery instructor (That was my best sport when I was growing up. Archery. I could have gone to the junior olympics the whole deal. Cool, right? Ummm….Ok maybe not cool cool but whatever.) Archery counselor was the most cake job because while regular counselors were running non-stop I had every 2nd or 3rd period off because archery wasn't nonstop and I'd lay in the grass and sleep or whatever. Which was coolio.

Anyway, I did this for a couple summers. One day this bunk of kids shows up and one of the kids only has one arm. He was probably 9 or 10 years old. I remember looking at the one-armed kid at archey and felt bad. Obviously he couldn't shoot a bow because of the whole one arm thing. I imagined him sitting on the sidelines watching all the kids do a sport he'd never do. But the one-armed kid marches up to the line and says to me something like, 'Ok. Here's how this is gonna work. You stand behind me and hold the bow out toward the target. I'll pull the string back and tell you higher or lower.' So I held the bow and he pulled the string and held it. We shot the bow together. Turned out he was a good archer. He treated the one arm thing like a minor inconvenience totally.

Not sure why I decided to tell that story but I have one other story sort of related to one armedness. It isn't as good as the archer kid story so you can stop reading now if you want but if you're bored or whatever here's this:

A while ago I felt a weird bump in the muscle right above my elbow. It felt weird. Like umm… a bump. A weird bump. Smooth and round and bump…y (it turned out to be nothing). But my paranoid hypochondriacal self-diagnosis told me that something was way wrong with my arm and I'd go to the doctor and they'd have to chop my arm off and I'd be a one armed guy or whatever.

I wondered about what I would do if I had one arm. And how I would work on the computer and stuff.

So to prepare for that I thought up this idea for a keyboard for one handed people. See instead of the keys being laid out in a rectangle and having to be all hunt and pecky, the keys would be laid out in a circle with the more popular keys toward the center of the circle with like space and return right in the middle. A round shaped keyboard. So with some practice I figured I'd be able to type superfast with one hand and that seemed to solve that problem… and then get rich off my supercool keyboard idea and buy me a bionic arm! At first it would be awesome to be bionic- but eventually I wouldn't be sure what do to with my superbionicarmness and I'd end up going to bars and making bets for free drinks like I bet I can karate chop the table in half or something...

Ok bye!


* someone stoled my idea already sorta!