Why Not Buy Used Forks On eBay?

So I need forks. A while ago it suddenly dawned on me that I'm always digging in my sink filled with dishes to find a fork. I never have a clean fork! Turns out there's a reason for that. I only have three. I guess over the years I've thrown the other forks out one by one and didn't notice the dwindle. So for like a month I've been trying to remind myself to buy forks. Buy forks I'll say! I'll really try to remember but then forget. Something about buying forks is a drag and forgetful totally. So tonite I said to me, 'Hey! I'm just sitting here staring at the computer. Why not buy some forks off the eBay? I bet I can get some good cheap forks there!'

I was surfing eBay for forks when a friend of mine called. She asked me what I was doing and I told her, (sort of embarrassingly considering it's friday night) 'Shopping for forks...ummm... on eBay.' Her response was... 'Ew! You're gonna buy someone's used  forks off f**kin eBay??!' (She sorta has a mouth on her) Anyway, I guess I didn't think of them as 'used forks' but when it was put that way I thought maybe it was kind of gross to be buying anonymous forks that have like been in someone's mouth previously or whatever. Maybe that is gross?

But then something dawned on me. I go to forkin restaurants, right?! Those forkin forks are the grossest of all! Just the other night I got a forkin fork with forkin crud all over it! If I wasn't a good fork inspector I would have eaten that crud! So I ask you... Why shouldn't I buy forks on eBay!? I can clean em with hot water and be fine with used forks! Yeah!

Look at these puppies! Come to daddy! I'm hungry! (don't outbid me please)

ok bye!


PS. I saw Liv Tyler walking down the street yesterday and I took a picture of her back.

That's totally her for realzers. The other person is not Gwentyth forkin Palrtrow.