Don't Know How to Buy Jeans Anymore

I need a new pair of jeans. The problem is I'm so out of touch with general fashion that I'm now rendered clueless as to what jeans are right. It used to be easy. You walked into a Levi's store and bought a pair of 501 or 505 jeans or whatever. Dark or light. It didn't matter. $39.95. Done and done.

But sometime in the last ten years Levis stopped working for me. The big Levi's stores went extra fashiony and got rude. Weird 'Boot cut' or metallic looking or super faded at the thighs or bragging about being extra stiff or something. Who wants 'extra stiff' anyway? Jean masochists! There's also these other downscale spinoff type levi's stores that seem to carry the levi's that aren't quite right anymore for some reason. Regardless it doesn't matter because Levi's never ever have my size (36x34) anymore ever! Seriously like never. I guess I could find them online but I don't want to buy jeans online. And alot other jeans seem scream the brand name on the back patch. I hate wearing stuff that screams brand names. Isn't enough that I bought your stupid jeans!? Now I have to advertise them on my butt all big?

So I've been fumbling around in the jeans world for like a decade. Buying wrong pairs here and there and expecting to eventually figure it out with some basic observational research. But I'm still at stage one. I'm unclear on how blue is too blue? How dark is too dark? How worn is too worn? How tight is too baggy? And I'm not spending a f**kin hundred dollars on a pair of stupid jeans! FU with your hundred dollar jeans! I just want to wear friggin jeans that I don't have to think about or care about or wonder about their friggin style!

Maybe I'm overthinking all this but buying jeans is now it's like a project. I feel like it involves research. And on top of it, I know that whatever 'in fashion' jeans I buy ---are guaranteed that to go out of style within a matter of hours.

ok bye!


Post jeans suggestions here please.