Dude, Where's My Colander?

So the other day I wanted to cook up some pasta so I got out all the stuff. Barilla spaghetti. Prego sauce. A big pot. A sauce pot thing. Olive oil. Flakey red pepper flakes. And my coland...then it was like, "Wait where's the fruck is my colander!" I just finished ripping my kitchen apart and my colander is simply gone! (Btw: a colander is a spaghetti strainer. i only found out the word colander like three years ago). Anyway I always keep it with my big pot! But it ain't there! Where'd colander go?

It can't be very easy to lose a friggin colander. I mean how does it stray so far from the kitchen that it disappears. I know I didn't bring it outside with me because chicks don't dig the 'colander-on-your-head' look. (I mean some chicks might but then they'd probably be wearing one of their own.) But seriously folks! Where the hell is my colander! I haven't cooked pasta in forever! And yeah once in a while I'll use it to wash off fruit in the sink or whatever but I can't remember ever 'bringing' it anywhere in my apartment. Even if I did! Why don't I see it on a table or whatever? It's not in the fridge! It's not in any of the cabinets! It's not under the sink! It's like nowhere!

At first I just felt like I was being absent minded so I dismissed it and figured it would turn up somewhere in my apartment later. But now it's days later! I've cleaned my friggin apartment and it hasn't turned up! No one borrowed it because I couldn't forget a thing like that (at least I hope not). So now the conspiracy theories are starting to brew up. Could my landlord be breaking into my apartment at night and stealing kitchen supplies? Is that possible? Did some culinary thief climb in my window and snag my spaghetti strainer? Did Roscoe grab it and throw it out the window then go back to laying on the floor like nothing happened? Did an army of ants march it off? What the hell happened to it? Am I going nuts? How could I forget where it went! I swear I just ripped my kitchen apart and it's nowhere!! WTF!

I'll keep you posted on colander progress as progress progresses... or doesn't.

ok bye!