Worst Woman 2005

Disclaimer: I wasn't sure if I should write about this story because it's gross and I feel like I should write funny stuff here and not necessarily gross stuff. But this is what happened and I figure if I give a warning that this is kind of a gross story then people can decide for themselves if they want to read on. So this is that warning.


I was on the plane coming back from Caly and I took a break from staring at the barf bag... I mean... watching the Mr. & Mrs. Smith movie... to go back and pee. At back of the plane and there were two bathrooms. One was 'Occupied' the other was 'Vacant'. I opened the 'Vacant' door and to my surprise there was a woman inside with her back to the door. I was like whoa! someone's in there! She wasn't naked or sitting on the bowl or anything. She was just standing there with her back to the door. She didn't even react to the bathroom door opening on her. Like zero reaction. Like the guy at the end of Blair Witch. I was embarrassed for opening the door and shut it fast. (why was I embarrassed? She's the one who shoulda locked the stupid lock!)

Anyway, I go back to standing in the aisle waiting for one of the two doors to open up. I was sort of surprised that the woman in the bathroom didn't immediately lock her door right after I opened the door. She just left it still 'Vacant'. You'd figure that after leaving it open on a plane you'd totally lock it right away! Who doesn't do the lock? Especially after you know it's open! But whatever.

I wait. A line for the bathroom started backing up down the aisle. The guy behind me asked about the 'Vacant' door and I told him there was someone in there. After a couple of minutes the woman emerged from the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She immediately started talking to a stewardess about getting a drink 'delivered to her seat' -but she's standing with her back to the bathroom door! Totally blocking it! Totally oblivious to the fact that there's 5 people in line for the bathroom. Finally, I said 'Excuse me...' And she sort of shuffles aside and shot me a look like I just annoyed her.

I get into the bathroom and lock the door right away. I turn around and see something that was so disturbing I didn't know what to do with myself. Warning: This is the bad part! There were drops of blood on the toilet seat! Like five or six drops. I couldn't believe it. Urine! Fine! On a plane, pee everywhere! Pee on the ceiling! Fine! (not really fine) But blood?!! I realize chickies have that monthly thang but whatever! Blood is always unacceptable! I didn't know what to do! I had to pee.... But there was blood! I wanted to just get out of there! But I didn't know want to be known on the plane as the Blood Guy. Did I need to clean it? I guess I shoulda just got outta there and said something- but I didn't want to get involved! My brain didn't know what to do. It was too overwhelmed!

So I put the seat up with my foot and peed and left the seat up. I turned around I felt grossed out with the bathroom. I realize women have girlie issues but I think girls should handle it right and not leave blood out. When I walked out, I gave the next guy a grimace look and put up my hands all innocent like, 'WARNING! BLOOD IN THERE! IT WASN'T ME!'

While walking up the aisle I was spaced out thinking about the situation and maybe how I handled it wrong.., then wham! I hit my leg on someone's elbow that was way too far in the aisle. It was the woman from the bathroom! I was like, 'Uch! Get your elbow in, lady! You're not in a barcalounger! And what's with the not cleaning up your bloody blood! Gross!'

When the plane landed people started getting their luggage down and getting on their cellphones. After a minute one voice was way above the rest.  Super loud. It was the woman. She was having an angry conversation like, 'Well tell Brian he shouldn't have done that without checking with me!... Yeah well I told you that and I told him that!.... Well tell Brian as soon as I get back in the office we're going to have to have a talk!.... Yes I know that! I know that too!... (then loud and slow) I... KNOW.... THAT!'

Uch! Lady! It was so loud it took up the whole plane and it just kept going on and on! All the passengers were looking at each other like, 'What with her?' I was like, 'Little do you know how bad she is!' 

So that was pretty much that and that was that. I guess she was some wacked business woman looking to spread unjoy and blood everywhere she goes. I did feel bad for her because it's probably no fun going around being so bad news all the time or whatever. But whatever! But jeez at least clean up after yourself! Ew!

Sorry for the bad story but sometimes gross stuff happens and that was that.

ok bye!