Fell Down the Stairs and Almost Broke My Friggin Head

So I bought some new sneakers finally. It's been a couple years since I've bought new ones. It's always a pain to get new sneakers. Not only do most sneakers look dorky to me (and on me)- but having size 13 feets has the sneaker salesman saying, 'We ain't got that in 13.' Over and over. And they'll show me which ones they actually have in stock in 13. And I don't like em usually. I just want simple sneakers. I don't want to be the guy that's 'Here comes the sneakers!' All stompy. And I'm not an athlete so I don't need special treads or whatever. And I walk sort of weird and my shoes wear out inwards so something with a good sole would help. Especially with all the walking I've been doing.

Anyway, I went online and bought these sneakers:

Cool, right? (Not!) They're called Rod Laver Mesh! They seemed simple and whatever and I was like dropdown box 13 done whatever. Done. When they arrived yesterday I was excited. The UPS man came and I was like, 'Ooh! A present! For me! From me!' Psyched! I ripped open the box and put on the sneakers. They fit fine. They were springy! I got excited to do some walking so I told Roscoe we were going out and I grabbed his leash and walked out the door. He followed. I took one step down the long flight of carpeted stairs and didn't realize how super slick the bottoms of the sneakers were. I was like slipppp! And went down hard. Like feet off the ground and landed on my back on the stairs and slid down a few. I was like, 'Holy...friggin...  Ow!' I grabbed the banister to stop myself! I had to do a friggin banister grab! It was a big shocker. One second I'm happily bounding down stairs- the next my back is hurting and I'm on my back clutching the banister.

Roscoe stared at me from the top of the stairs like, 'Umm... what was that move?' I noticed a big green smear on the stair where I slipped. I guess new sneakers are just all slicked out at first or whatever but jeez I could have skated down the street on these things. I stepped gently down the stairs and made it outside.

But I think the friggin adidas people should give a heads up warning to dopes like me! Sneakers? More like slippers! Ha! umm.. bad joke.. ok whatever! Gimme a break! I almost broke my friggin head!

ok bye!


PS. By the way I took down the goofy jogger post from the other day. It wasn't all that good and goofy couples had a variety of decent reasons for the dress alike. Sort of sweet. I fell like a dick, so sorry. I felt I was being jerky making fun or whatever.