Missing My Zappy
Today it took me about six hours of motivation to finally leave my apartment and go to the PO box and pick up my mail. I walked down the street to the subway and waited about ten minutes for the train then I got off at W4th station and walked over to the post office. All this travelling made me a little tired and it reminded me of my Zappy scooter.
When I was a dotcom guy I splurged on an electric scooter. It looked like this. Everyday I would carry it (40lbs) down my five flights of stairs and get on it and cruise to work. It was awesome. Not having a vehicle in New York sometimes sucks because you're so dependent on waiting for the bus or waiting for the subway or waiting for a cab. When I had my scooter I knew exactly when I would get to where I was going. It was totally fun to ride too. At work we'd ride it around in the office because we didn't have anything else to do. It went about 10mph and I'd ride it in like the bike lanes and stuff. It was so coolio. I didn't even care that I was geeking out so hard with the helmet and all.
About two weeks after I got laid off I went to go meet with someone for a 'breakfast meeting' about a job at this place Grey Dog's Coffee on Carmine Street. I locked it up to a chain link fence and went in to have breakfast. I know I should have locked it up to like a lamp post or something but I just didn't. I came out after the breakfast and my zappy was gone. Someone had clipped the links in the fence and stole it- lock and all.
I was so sad walking home. I luckily had renters insurance and found out I was covered but they needed a police report. So I went to the precinct and sat down with a cop. I told him about how my scooter got stolen. He asked me if it was a moped. I was like, 'Umm.. no it was a scooter. An electric...um... scooter.' I was totally humiliated. This cop was supersized and I'm dorking out electric. After he took the report he looked me dead in the eye and was all, 'Ok, we'll get right on it.' Like dickish.
Anyway I go home and sat around all day getting mad about the scooter being stolen. That I was dumb to lock it up to a chain link fence. That someone took my coolio scooter covered with stickers and stuff. Who does crime at 9AM?? With bolt cutters or whatever? I was so pissed. I unplugged my scooter charger and put it in the closet. That made me sad. Even though I was covered by insurance I knew I wasn't going to replace it because I was unemployed and needed the money.
That night I couldn't sleep. At like 3AM and took out a stack of white paper and a black magic marker. And I started making signs. Signs that said stuff like:
'To the person who stole my scooter: You're mom would be so proud. You're a thief now.'
'To the person who stole my scooter: God saw you steal my scooter and God cried a little.'
'To the person who stole my scooter: You'll soon find out that the scooter is worthless. I hope it was worth it.'
'To the person who stole my scooter: There is a church on this street. Great job!'
'To the person who stole my scooter: I hope you're happy with yourself. Do you feel proud? Way to go, winner.'
'To the person who stole my scooter: You're a bad person. You know that, right? You're a crook. A criminal.'
Stuff like that. And then I went out on the street and blanketed Carmine Street with these flyers. It was like 3:30AM. I put them everywhere. Couple dozen of them. On lap posts and phone booths and stuff. I figured since it was 9AM when it got stolen the thief might be a local. Then I went home and went to sleep.
The next day around noon I walked down Carmine Street and all my flyers were ripped down. And ripped down angrily. Like with remnants of the paper still hanging off the poles and stuff. They were the only flyers ripped down. And all of them were. The signs didn't really say anything too offensive so I gotta figure the person who ripped them all down was the thief. It made me feel better.
I probably couldn't use the scooter too well in Brooklyn because it's more hilly here but whatever. Thought I'd tell you a story.