The Lottery Deal
Ok here's the deal. On Tuesday the Mega Millions jackpot round here is $310 Million dollars. So today I said to myself, 'Self, I think you might like to have $310 million dollars.' And I said, 'Damn straight other self! That would be good times!' So I spent $5 on a quick pick lottery ticket. When I got home later I decided that I was gonna tape the ticket to my monitor to be safe. I reached in my pocket for the ticket. Nothing. I checked all my pants pocket (stupid cargo pants). No ticket. I checked in my bag of stuff. Totally no ticket. I looked on the table where I throw my wallet and keys. Nothing. I checked in my wallet even though I knew for a fact I didn't put it in my wallet. (I can't trust my memory completely because I have too much aluminum in my system.)
Anyway, I started freaking out. Where the hell was the ticket? I looked through my mail. I ripped apart my desk. I went through clothing that I hadn't even worn today. I looked in all the usual suspect places. On top of the fridge. In the dish thing on the thing. Under my keyboard. On top of the shelves with the CDs by the table. Gone. I was so pissed at myself. Did Roscoe eat it? Was that possible? Roscoe ate $310M? Would I have to go thru his poop in the hopes that somehow it made it thru?
I started getting preemptive nightmare visions of seeing the place where I bought the ticket post something in the window about having sold the winning lottery ticket. And wondering about it forever. Seeing clearly the split in the space time continuum with the me who found the lottery ticket sailing off on a pirate ship wearing a pirate hat and going 'Arrrr...!' with a crew of 25 hot pirate girls work the sails and stuff and I get fed grapes and go Arrr! smore.
Then like a flash it hit me where I put the lottery ticket. I slapped at my chest and sure enough it was there. Right in the breast pocket of my button down shirt! Right where I put it... to be safe.
So I'm in such appreciation of the fact that I found my lottery ticket. Here's the deal. If I'm the sole winner of the $310 million dollar lottery I will be giving $1000 away to 1000 people who visit this site! (details to follow) Then $500 to someone who doesn't visit my site. That's the deal!
Here's the ticket! (yeah that's the ticket...) The drawing is tuesday. I've arrowed the number which I expect to win.