The Lady on the Stairs
So today I walk out of my apartment with Roscoe and I pass some guy who says, 'I don't know if she's ok... She seems...I don't know...' He was referring to the woman laying on the stairs of the apartment building next to mine. She was sort of half sprawled on the stairs. Face down. Her plastic bag of stuff was half-spilled out. She wasn't moving at all. By the way she was dressed she didn't seem to be totally homeless- but maybe a bit borderline. I was like, 'Whoa...' Meanwhile the guy who pointed her out went like scurrying off... having passed off the responsibility for an unconscious human being to me. I was like, 'You bastard!' Dick move.
I walk up to the woman and am like, 'Hello?... hello miss?' I looked for her chest breathing. And it doesn't look like it was. She wasn't moving at all. I was like, 'Holy macanoli! Roscoe! I think we found us a dead body!' Just like Stand By Me! But in the city-like. I've never seen a real life unprepped dead body. Roscoe sort of gave her a sniff but didn't seem too concerned. I thought, what if she was just like almost dead? ? Would I have to like fake CPR or something so I don't have a guilt trip? I didn't want that.
And what if she's like totally a deader? Then what? I thought about what I'd have to do. Maybe use my coat to cover her up? Then like call the cops and hang out till they get there. And give a statement? Would I mention the dick who passed the buck? I wasn't too thrilled about any of it. It came down to the moment of truth...
I had to touch her. And test my theory about her being dead and stuff. See if I could wake her up or something. I gently pushed at her shoulder and said, 'Miss? Hello? Miss!' Nothing. No movement. I looked at Roscoe. He looked at her. She didn't seem to be breathing. I shook a little. Nothing. And then some scary reality set in. Excitement drained away. I thought actually really and truly found a dead body. In real life! Not fake in my head dead body. My heart gulped. I shook her really hard and said loudly, 'MISS!!!! ARE YOU OK!'
She snapped awake and immediately looked at Roscoe and said, 'Hi baby! Oh look at this guy! How old is he?' I was like, 'Umm... 10 months...' She said, 'Oh... just a puppy!' I was like, 'Yeah...a... puppy.' She patted Roscoe on the head. And then she gathered up her things and got up and walked down the street. I guess she was just snoozing... umm... on the stairs.
Weirdness... with a happy ending... of sorts.