When The Gym Went Bad

So years ago when I was a dotcom guy living in Manhattan I actually used to go to the gym. I decided I was gonna get into shape and would go and do stuff. Usually just sort of screw around and lift a thing or run on a thing. Really a half-hearted effort. The thing I liked about the gym the most... was the steam room. After lifting things I would sit in the steam and totally relax sweaty style. (Even though it was disgusting when I thought about all the random sweating going on and all that- I got passed it and liked the steam room.)

After I got laid-off, I kept going to the gym but eventually technically stopped paying for it because the credit card they had on file had expired. I would get mail from the gym telling them to update the information but I never got around to it. I'd just show up and scan my gym card and head in under the radar. Apparently the card validation and the credit card validation weren't linked up. I went for like three months without paying gym dues. When my money started running out and I owed them a few months back due-- I knew the gym was a luxury I couldn't afford anymore. But I couldn't resist the steam room and would keep going every day or so-- knowing I was eventually gonna get busted.

Finally one day I walked in and scanned my card and before I got into the gym this big giant gym muscled manager guy stopped me by literally putting his hand on my chest.

He was like, 'Todd?'

I was like, 'Yah...'

He was like, 'You owe us some money, Todd...'

I was like, 'I do?'

He was like, 'Do you have a valid credit card? We can take care of this right now. Ok? Good.'

He was really sort of threatening me. He was giant sized guy. I told him I didn't have my wallet with me.

He said, 'Next time you come here I suggest you bring a valid credit card...'

I was like, 'Ok...'

And I headed into the gym knowing it would be the last day I'd be in there. The gym was too expensive. That guy was gonna beat me up if I didn't pay my bill. I did my lame workout and headed into the steam room. I sat on the upper step in my towel and flipflops. It was the last steam. I knew it. There were a four or five other people in there. I tried to relax and say a personal goodbye to the steam. Sad.

Anyway, I steamed longer than ever before and when I stood up to step down from the upper step I guess I was lightheaded or something because I caught the tip of a flipflop and totally slipped hitting my back on the edge of the first step before landing in the disgusting sweat puddle on the floor of the steam room... and my towel fell off.

Not a high point for me. I seriously was in pain. I whomped my back on the edge of the step before hitting the ground. And I was humiliated lying in a sweat puddle with my towel off and my penis out. The reaction from the other guys in the crowd ranged from 'Ow! Are you ok? to Straight out laughing at me...' I wrapped the gross sweat drenched towel around myself and got the hell out of there feeling like I was actually gonna cry.

I showered and changed. On the way out the door I passed by the giant manager guy and he gave me a nod like, 'Bring the card next time...' And I gave him a nod back like, 'You're ain't never gonna see me again...'

Soon after that I moved to Brooklyn and the gym couldn't find me and I never paid them. Yeah I sort of stiffed em and feel bad about it-- but in a way the gym got its revenge by totally humiliating me in the steam room, giving me a sore back, and showing people my penis.

ok bye!