Tab Energy Experiencelessness

I've never really gotten into drinking energy drinks. They never seem to feel right or taste right. I've tried a few different kinds. Red Bull. Hype Energy drink. I think Everlast has one or something. But I'm not into it. Frankly, I usually don't want extra energy because I'm lazy and extra energy will force me to do stuff- but besides that they all taste way sweet and crazy. I know some people like to mix their Red Bull and vodka to get that extra brain sizzle at the dance clubs but I haven't really been clubbing in a while and even if I did I probably would be scared to dance and burn the extra energy just by being jittery and nervous.

Anyway, yesterday I got a free can of Tab Energy drink. It was some some sort of promotion or something. Free! Yay! Gimme! Thanks stranger! I'll drink it when I get home! Yah. Remember Tab? Pink can etc. Well now they're remarketing themselves for the 50th time. This time as an energy drink. Here it is:

I put it in the fridge yesterday and I just cracked it open. I'm drinking it right now so I decided to write about it as I drink it. First thing I notice is it tastes too weirdly gross. And it doesn't taste right. The taste is way sweet and halfgross like all energy drinks. But I gotta admit I am feeling a little jazzed up. Like my heart is starting a new faster rhythm. It keeps making me want to sip it. Yum! Oh wait... Uch. Gross.

The can is annoying to look at too. Like it's friggin Barbie's energy drink or whatever! look at it! But wow I really am feeling speedy. I've noticed I'm typing faster and I'm also noticing that my thoughts are getting sort of scattered like I could go off and think about something else any second like umm... like... I don't know what. I looked around my room but I couldn't think of another thing to think about. In fact I can't really think about anything other than typing more and more about nothing but all energized nothing which I guess is maybe the point of the energy drinks to get you all juiced up to do nothing faster man this stuff is humming my brain now i don't recommend it because somethings wrong with all energy drinks i think but right now its interesting what's happening wait I'm gonna take another sip...UCH! tastes like... tastes sweet like.. Uch! I dont' know what! I can't really think of other words other than the words I'm typing right now. I'm focused like a laserbeam beam beam beam on writing nothing and everytime I stop to think about what I'm writing I literally draw a blank. Even if I wanted to try and change the topic altogether and talk about something other than the energy drink I'm not sure I could hold on let me take a sip and try..,,, trying...  thinking... faster... ok monkeys! There! Monkeys! Even though monkeys is sort of a copout because it's like the default thing everyone thinks about when they try to think about something instead nothing. Right? Or maybe that's just me anyway man this stuff is kinda freaking me out. Don't buy it! I love it! It's gross! I'm gonna go get more!!! Right now! No stop that's just what the Barbie wants you to do! That's what the free sample is all about! I'm not buying into that! I'm gonna take another sip now! It's almost done and then what! Maybe I'll get my thoughts back again now I'm really not writing about anything and this is probably getting annoying... I feel less speedy now... it's starting to wear off... so I'm gonna stop now.

stupid energy drinks...

ok bye!