ISEEA IKEA IDIOT
So yesterday I headed out to IKEA with a friend of mine. We both needed to buy lots of little things and stuff.
Just as an aside, here's what I noticed about security as we drove out.
1. For some reason cops close off one lane of traffic all the time on the Brooklyn Bridge. It causes alot of traffic because the lanes go from 3 to 2. The cops just sit in their car blocking a lane 24/7. Not sure what that's about. It's like that all the time now. I guess its security.
2. Into the Holland Tunnel we followed a very beat up truck that was all rusted and messed up with no labeling on it at all. I noticed the truck for seeming weirdly beat up and anonymous. There was zero security heading into the tunnel to slow things down. No cops. Nothing. I wish the cops from the bridge would sit in their car by the tunnel instead.
No offense to cops of course. I know they're just doing what they gotta do. Both situations were disturbing tho.
Anyway, we get to IKEA in Elizabeth, NJ (after getting lost and driving around Newark Airport) and the first thing I notice is how oversized the place looked. I was excited because big stores are exciting to me so I was excited. BIG GIANT LETTERS AND BRIGHT COLORS HUGE EVERYTHING BLUE AND YELLOW BIG WITH EXTRA BIGNESS! I guess I'm so used to cramped New York stores that I'm just not used to that level of big at all. Coolio! We head in thru annoyingly giant revolving doors and up the escalator. I got pumped up to buy me some crap!
My list included:
- Glass jars (for dog biscuits and nuts and stuff)
- A toilet paper holder thing for the wall (my tp just sits on my towel rack every since the day I spun the original holder and it broke right out of the wall 2 years ago.)
- A desk lamp (for lamping and lamp related activities)
- A new shower curtain (mine is grody with cooties now)
- Two new spatulas (I used both my old plastic spatulas a while ago when Roscoe was having stomach problems and I wanted to get looseish doody off the wood floor and into the toilet. I know that's gross and there's better ideas that ruining a spatula. Yes I threw out the spatulas.)
- Lots of scissors. (I have one pair here that I can never find and it makes me crazy. My plan was to buy 4 pairs of scissors and leave them all over my apartment. Problem solved)
- Comforter cover duvet thing (mines shreded and old (see recent daily fact)
- Wine glasses (all mine done smashed)
- Random crap (I don't need and will question why I bought when I get home).
Anyway we walk around looking at things. I'm flopping out couches and beds and picking up fake plastic tvs like fake Hulk and spinning around in chairs. The whole place was set up like different rooms. Like you walk into a bedroom and there's all bedroom stuff in there. Or you walk into an office there's all office stuff there. So I played around with stuff and had some fun-- but after a while I started to wonder when the shopping part was gonna actually start. Like where were the big bins or whatever? Where was all the stuff? We were confused. We kept walking but it was only room after room. In one of the kitchen areas there was a spatula thing. I wanted the spatula. But this was like a floor sample. So I went up to some IKEA chick and said, 'Hey! If there's something in a kitchen that I want how do I get that?' She was like, 'You gotta write down the model number and name and pick it up downstairs.'
She handed me a pencil and paper. I was like, 'Uch! This is how this place works?? You go around shopping and write stuff down then someone (or you) collect it all??! WTF?' It struck me as super stupid. I just wanted to grab stuff! See some variety! And I wondered how long it was gonna take me to write all the stuff down then collect it all! We didn't understand how a store could be so stupid!
So we walked around writing stuff on our little pieces of paper. I got extra frustrated because almost all of the little things weren't even really labeled! Like when I went back to the spatula, all that was there was on it was a little sticker with a barcode. I was like, 'UCH! I gotta write down a barcode number? Why did I schlep out to New Jersey to buy this stuff!? I live in New York! They gotta have that stuff there! My friend agreed the store was super stupid. All this huge space set up like fake rooms only?! I just wanted to buy stuff! Not go from room to room hoping it has something I need! It was like a scavenger hunt! Like to find my scissors did I have to search through the desk drawers in an 'office room'?! I felt like I was crazy. We decided to bail out and write the whole place off for their stupid 'write it down policy'.
We took the escalator downstairs to leave all angry and we both felt immediately uberstupid. Downstairs the store completely opened up to a GIANT amount of things. All the scissors and jars and spatulas and crap you could ever want. And shopping carts! And bags! And STUFF!
See, umm... us two dopes were upstairs on the 'showroom' floor. Where people go to get ideas for full rooms and buy big things like bookshelves and sofas and stuff. I guess neither of us noticed that when we came in and went straight up the escalator that we skipped the whole ground floor of the store. The floor with all the stuff!
Phew! Two dopes! But then the fun started! I got everything I needed (except a comforter cover)
(gotta take pictures with the RoscoeCam for a while till I get a new digital camera to replace the one I lost)
Check out all that stuff! Cheap too! Scissors galore! That's a three pack I got for like $1.99! Ladle! Shower curtain with creatures! Ice cream scooper! Spatula for future doody accidents! Toilet paper thing in the box! Psyched! Stuff!
Ok I'm gonna go put all that stuff away now. See ya later!