5:00AM Wake-Up Blerp
So last night I got home from being out and saw that Roscoe had been busy chewing up a baseball hat while I was away. The brim of the cap had plastic under the cloth stuff and he really went at it. It looked like someone took a full bite out of the plastic. I was a little concerned because the plastic seemed gone. I made a mental note to watch for plastic in Roscoe's poop... and keep hats off the floor when I go out.
Anyway, last night I'm asleep in bed and Roscoe is sleeping next to me. He thinks he's a person so he sleeps with his head next to mine. I was dreaming of giant peacock snails. Roscoe was dreaming of being a unicorn herder. Then the worst sounding alarm clock goes off. The 'blerp blerp blerp' noise of an about-to-puke-dog. That noise is especially scary coming out of a sound sleep. I opened my eyes and looked over at Roscoe like, 'Dude! Are you friggin gonna puke!?' And Roscoe replied with, 'Blerp, blerp, blerp' (aka 'Yeah totally...like any second now.') Great. I wasn't sure what to do. My brain was slow from sleep. It screamed at me, 'Shove the dog off your bed! Right now! Let him puke on the floor!' But something inside of me felt bad for Roscoe and I couldn't bring myself to start shoving him while he was in pukey throes. I had a quick argument in my head that Roscoe quickly settled.
BLERP! He totally puked on the bed right next to me! Half of it was on the sheet the other half went down the side of the back mattress and onto the floor behind the bed. In the puke I saw lots of pieces of the black plastic from the hat. I stared at it and Roscoe stared at it. He sniffed it like, 'Maybe this is a dogmade snack, yes?' At that point I finally shoved him off the bed.
I got up and headed to the kitchen and grabbed a wad of paper towels and mopped up all the puke (I'm weirdly desensitized to gross things now and I was sort of fascinated by seeing all the plastic in there.) Then I got back to the bed and stared at the puke stain on the sheet. I couldn't deal with changing the sheets and all that at 5AM so got back in the bed and decided to deal with the puke stain in the morning. I fell asleep on the other side of the bed far from it. But this was a bad call totally because when I woke up hours later my face was right smack in the puke stain! Gross! I should have at least changed the sheets before going back to sleep but I was too tired!
PS. Just kidding!!!! I of course immediately stripped the sheet and mattress cover and washed them off then put them in the laundry basket! What kind of person do you think I am? Jeez Louise!