Shallow Charity Reality

Like a year ago some girl from a charity called buzzed my door buzzer. I answered the door and she was really cute. She started going into her whole spiel about how they're fixing the environment and all that and she asked to come inside and talk to me about it some more. Because she was cute and seemed nice I agreed.

So she went on and on about her thing and I remember feeling weird that this random college girl would just wander into some strange guy's apartment for the sake of good cause. Especially someone like me who probably hadn't shaved in a week or two and was definitely dressed all mismatched or whatever. How was she so sure I wasn't a psycho maniac or whatever? (How was I so sure she wasn't either come to think of it...) But whatever, I'm pretty sure she did well for the charity because any buzzer that was answered by a guy probably listened to what she had to say. Anyway, I didn't get a date but I got to "help out a good cause" by cutting them a check for like $25 or whatever. Whatever.

So I'm on the nypirg list and once in a while someone will buzz my buzzer will stop by to try (unsuccessfully) to get me to cut another check. The other day someone stopped by. My buzzer buzzed and here's how the conversation went talking through the buzzer:

Me: Hello?

Guy: Hey Todd. It's Joe (or whatever) from Can I talk to you for a second?

Me: I'm actually just sitting down to dinner with a friend of mine (Roscoe). Can we talk another day?

Guy: It's really important and will just take a minute.

Me: Ok but I really just have a minute.

I go downstairs and open the door and some dude with a goatee is standing there. He thanks me for coming downstairs and starts talking to me about mercury pollution and how it's hurting our children and we gotta get Governor Pataki to do something and how it's really screwing everything up and all that. He handed me a flyer and I looked at it:

The guy told me that nypirg is really trying to increase their membership to help fight mercury poisoning. I told him that I'd certainly keep it in mind but I'm having dinner upstairs with a friend (I didn't let him know that that 'friend' eats out of a bowl on the floor) so he hurried up his pitch and told me that membership was just $500. I was like, 'Ok. I'll certainly check their website and keep it in mind...' And then he goes, 'We're really looking for your membership today. Is it possible for you to join us by writing us a check right now?"

I was like thinking, 'This dude actually thinks I'm going to go upstairs right now and come down with a check for friggin five hundred dollars! Just like that?' Look, I'm totally against mercury poisoning.100%! and I understand how super difficult it is for charities to raise money. (Friggin sloan-kettering friggin sent me four separate packs of address labels this month alone. Who knows how I even got on their list.) But to ding dong my door and ask for $500 seems a little... long shotty. And at the very least if they're going for a long shot donation and they realistically want a chance.... they should at least be sending around some super cute chick-- not some dude with a clipboard and goatee. (Yes I am aware that's way shallow and totally obnoxious.... but really.) Although I wouldn't cut a check for $500 based on a buzzer buzz even if Pam Anderson showed up with the friggin clipboard stuck between her boobs...


ok bye!


PS. I do alot for different charities every year so don't go thinking I'm a dick or whatever.
PPS. Nick S. sent this in. Apparently nypirg gotta clean up their friggin act-- so whatever with them anyway...