Screwed with Well Enough

(this is a nerdy post. so if you don't like nerdy posts fyi this is one. plus its is extra long and hard to follow! score!)

So a week ago I called up the cable company (Road Runner) because something was screwed up with my cable box. The chick on the phone upsold me on signing up for 'internet phone service'. I agreed because they said it would save me money and blah blah and I like saving money (even though I never have accomplished that in real life) and I guess the girl on the phone sounded cute or something so I agreed. The little technical watchguard gnome in my head warned me to leave stuff alone. He told me I was going down a hazy technical road and to think twice. But I didn't put the brakes on. I agreed to change my phone service.

The thing that I sort of spaced on is that for whatever reason my computer (Dell) always had issues with routers. And internet phone service involves a router. A while ago I signed up for Vonage. They sent me a Linksys router. For whatever reason whenever it was hooked up it would slow my internet connection to a crawl. Like I was back on dialup. Literally running at like 5-10%. I spent alot of time with Vonage cust service but they couldn't figure out why there was a slowdown. So they sent out another router. Same thing. Super slow down. I spent more time with Vonage then time directly with Linksys people. No one knew what was going on. I called Dell but they were zero help (even though I know this problem is really their fault).

Anyway, I bagged the whole Vonage thing. But it turned into a big problem because my phone number had transferred over to them and it would take a couple weeks for my original phone company (Verizon) get back from them. So instead of waiting in the grey area of phone number transference-- I got a brand new phone number instead (which was a pain in the ass for me and for my friends).

A few months later I was getting around to hooking up RoscoeCam and I wanted it to be wireless. So I got a wireless router. I forget what kind. And sunofa-mofobiatch, same thing! Slow down! Crawly slow! I was like, 'Noooo!' I tried a bunch of different things and did alot of customer service calls but nobody could figure out what stupid settings needed to be set to fix it up and speed everything up normal. I packed up the wireless router and returned it. (This is why RoscoeCam is connected via usb and not a wireless camera).

Anyway, back to now, the cable guy came out yesterday to hook up my internet phone. He did it up. Tested it. Tested I had internet connection and then took away my old modem and left. As he walked out the door with my old modem it dawned on me that the horrible slowdown issue might still be hanging around! I poked around the internet for a couple seconds and knew it right away. Major slowdown. The amount of time it takes to read this sentence is the amount of time it takes for a normal site like to load up piece by piece by piece or maybe even longer depending on its mood. For taking down email add this sentence to that one in terms of time (even without attachments) and read it three times. I freaked out! I ran out the door to try and catch the cable guy and get my old modem back-- but I got outside just in time to see the van driving off. I gave a half-hearted chase after it like Rerun but it was too late.

I get back in my apartment and simply didn't have the strength to go into the tech issues involved with a bizarro router modem slowdown thing. I just wanted everything back the way it was! Everything was fine! Phone fine! Internet fine! I had to screw with stuff! Why! Why I couldn't leave well enough alone!

I called up the cable company (yelling at robots nonstop to get through. If this is regarding internet phone service say, 'Yes...' Yes. I'm sorry I didn't understand what you said. Yes! Damn robot! Yes! Yes!.... I'm sorry... ) to find out how long before they can send someone out with a new (old) modem. They said TWO WEEKS! I protested and ranted and got them to agree to make it 6 days. I told them to cancel the stupid internet phone service. They did that right away. But unfortunately my phone number had changed over already so I called Verizon and it's two weeks to get it back! (again) I was like, 'GAHHHHHH!! They said if I just get a new number I can have it in a couple days. I agreed. A major pain of course. (Although I was a little happy because I wanted more 7's in my phone number. There was only one 7 before (not including the area code which doesn't count because its standard) and I like lots of 7's when I can get em. Mild OCD thing (if it was genuine ocd I'd never give out my number. so don't worry.) But whatever.

On top of it, I decided I can't live for two weeks with a cruddy dialup connection via the router modem sitting here- so this morning I went down to Radio Shack and bought a new regular cable modem (I planned to return it in two weeks when I get the replacement from Road Runner). I hook it up but it's a no-go. No connection. I call up and find out that Road Runner needs to turn it on via something called a 'MAC' address so they can identify the modem. How long does that take? A week. Of course.

So today I'm frowny. I have a crappy dial-up connection that I'm stuck with for a week. My old phone is basically now turned off (although when I call the number a robot says its taking messages. I don't know how to access that voicemail. bonus!) I'll have a new phone number on Monday with lots of 7's and it'll be old school connection which I like more anyway. But basically with one fell swoop, I super wrecked everything in my house lickity split. I couldn't feel more stupider or more pissed right now. I knew I had problems with routers!!! Why'd I do this! Dagnammgbitt!!...

But whatever. I think I'll survive...

...and hopefully I learn once and for all, 'If it ain't broke... don't break it!'

ok bye!


PS. I always appreciate tech help but because eventually I'm putting back everything the way it was and getting rid of the router modem there's really no point.