Ions and Allergies

So for a few weeks in Spring I get hit with allergies really bad. Eyes red, runny nose, sneezy. I think it's the tree in front of my building that's causing it. Its like a magnolia or something and it makes me nuts for a few weeks while it's blooming. I never had allergies this bad until I moved to Brooklyn... so I blame the tree. Your fault tree! You hear me?! Roscoe! Make yourself useful, you lazy lox! Go outside pee on it!

Anyway, last year I got Roscoe as a puppy right before allergy season kicked in, and when that tree bloomed my allergies went nuts. Super bad. Into that zone of not being able to imagine not having allergies. I thought there was a very good chance I was allergic to both the dog and the tree. I tested out my theory by like rubbing my face in Roscoe's fur and seeing if I freak out. (a redneck scratch test, I guess). It didn't seem to make a difference which was good. My allergies were just awful. I'd sneeze 20x in a row as soon as I'd wake up and then be all wacked out on sudafed and benadryl for the rest of the day.  My head was so stuffed all the words in my head looked like this. I couldn't think clearly. I'd just lie on the couch blowing my nose. This went on for a couple of weeks. (I secretly appreciated the excuse to lie around and watch movies all day tho).

But finally I got desperate and started googling around for other stuff I could do. Keep the windows closed. Check. Wash hands alot. (pseudo-OCD already got it covered). Check. Vacuum alot. Check. Fine. Then I started looking into these things called ionizers. I was desperate. I ordered one up before I even understood what it was supposed to do. Nuke allergy ions or flip em or something. (I never had anything against ions so it seemed weird to bring something into your home that nukes em dead or whatever. Ions always seemed like a good thing. And from what I remember in highschool they're part of that whole proton, electron, neutron thing, right? With the rotation nucleus or something. So why am I nuking them? I don't see anything killing allergy protons. Who's to say which ons should be harrassed? I guess scientists.) But whatever! I bought it!

I put it in the corner of my room and turned it on. It was really loud. WHIRRRRRR. I sniffed the air to see if I could smell sizzling ions. Nothing. I let it run all day and all night. The air maybe slightly (legit or psychosomatically) smelled cleaner or maybe just cooler. Maybe it was doing something. I dunno. I'd wake up in the morning and maybe I'd sneeze 19x instead of 20x. I figure I'd let it run anyway just because I bought the stupid thing I might as well get rid of some ions before it goes out in the hall and sits with the other bad purchases gathering ionic dust.

Anyway, my allergies have kicked in again this year big time (fortunately I'm not allergic to Roscoe at all) and I'm back on the benadryl and sudafed cocktails. And sure enough I dragged out that ionizer again and have it blasting on high behind me. It's probably doing nothing. I'm just glad that I'm not allergic to my dog... and if I nuke a few ions along the way. So be it.

Ay protons! Watch your back! You're next, bitches!

ok back to blowing my nose...