Computer Bad for My ADD
I think I have Attention Deficit Disorder. I think I've always had it. I did bad in school because I couldn't pay attention to like... anything. I can only read like three pages at a time when I'm reading a book then I have to put it down and do something else. Sometimes in conversation I space out or think about other... stuff.
I used to get hit with ADD sometimes when I was working. I remember one time I was giving a presentation and all of a sudden I completely lost my train of thought. Then I panicked and grasped for the point I was trying to make and then I realized that I was causing silence in the room and everyone was staring at me. I started sweating and started to get distracted by my sweating. I was 100 miles away from my original point at that point. I had to ask everyone in the room, 'What was I just talking about?' They all stared at me and then someone said, 'I think you were trying to sell us something.'
It's been a problem with me for a while. But I think computers have made it worse. In the last 20 minutes, I've already checked email twice. Did something to the website. Turned on some music. An IM friend popped up. I cleaned out my temp files. Worked on a cartoon. Started download some music from Kazaa. And adjusted my monitor setting. Computers make you jump around constantly and I'm the type of person who keeps like 20 windows open at a time and they stare at me all day. In fact this What's Happening is something I started doing because I couldn't concentrate anymore on what I was doing before I started typing this.
I feel like I'm constantly distracted when I'm sitting at my computer It's all tangents. There's always something and I'm on it all day long so I think in my head I'm constantly jumping around. So I think that jagged train of thought is becoming my regular thought process. Jumping all over the place in my head. Not that I mind so much because it keeps me on my toes because I never know what I'm going to have to think about next.
But the last time I really remember actually really being able to focus on a single thought for an extended period of time was like two years ago. I went to Vermont on a trip to a little place where there was no TV or computers or anything. I remember one night it started snowing and I went outside and looked up at the moon and the snow coming down. I listened to the snow fluffing to the ground. And tried to catch the snowflakes in my mouth. And thought 'snow is nice.' Snow is nice. I thought about that one thought for a long time with no distractions.
Since then I've been a bit all over the place 24/7. Gotta go do something else now..