So last week I got new glasses. (my current ones were rickety and covered in green stuff along the metal. gross) Anyway, getting new glasses is always a hassle because my head is so melony most 'regular sized' glasses look way small like I'm living in the 1800's like Doc Baker or whatever. Plus it's difficult for me to buy glasses on my own. I don't want to be 'here comes the glasses' but I don't want to be too nerded out. I don't want to be too fancy but I don't want to be too normal either. It's a big decision because when you're bald-- changing your appearance has limited options in general. And with glasses, you're stuck with it. For better or worse... so it's nerve-wracking.
Anyway, I go into this local place and prepared myself to sit there trying on like 50 pairs of glasses and not finding one pair I really like... but the second pair of glasses I tried on surprised me. They looked good right away! They fit my big head! They seemed sort of cool without me trying to be too cool for school. Not hipstery but not corporatey. I pointed to my face at the girls in the store and asked their opinion. They all approved. I was sold. I said to the guy I'd take em. He asked if I needed an eye exam and I told him I didn't. I quickly explained my theory of optometry and he looked at me like I was an idiot.
A few days later I go to pick up my new glasses all nervous that they were going to look stupid and that I going to feel stupid for thinking they looked smart. (Man, glasses are such a frickin RIPOFF by the way! FU with your anti-glare crap! I'm supposed to care I glare when I stare? Pass!) But the glasses looked really good! I think maybe I was more happy with these glasses than I'd ever been before off the bat...
But when I got home I took a look at myself in the mirror and noticed something I sort of hadn't noticed before. On the ends of the arms of the glasses there were these silver tips. Like silver caps on the end sticking out from behind my ear. I wondered how those looked from the side. I did the thing with two mirrors and took a look at the side of my head. Those silver things were way bad! Because I'm bald, from the side it was blatant silver tip behind my ear! Sort of looked like I had pencils behind both ears. Silver tips might be all well and good for haired people but for us baldies we can't have reflecting metal back there! I felt like everyone was going to be staring at the side of my head all the time being like, 'What's behind his ear?' I didn't need paranoia that everyone's staring at the side of my head all day!
So I got out a pair of pliers and yanked the silver tips off the end of the glasses. It was easy. Problem solved. I was proud that I got aggressive with the issue. And I was back in business feeling really good about my glasses.
Anyway, the other night I go out to meet a friend of mine at a bar. We sat down for beers. I noticed right away he got new glasses. I also noticed that his glasses were suspiciously exactly like my glasses. Way too suspiciously exactly like my glasses! I tried to block out the fact that I was picking up on his new glasses and he probably was doing the same for me. (I guess there's some sort of unspoken thing between guys where you don't comment on each others attire unless it's extra stupid or extra nice or something). I wanted to compare glasses to confirm my suspicions...
But I didn't have to even ask. As soon as he turned his head... I saw the silver tip on the end of the thing!! Son of a bitch! We had the same mofo glasses! We both got them at the same time! Total bad coincidence! I finally broke conversation and acknowledged our glasses dilemma! I was like, 'Dude... we have the same f'in glasses!' He looked at me like he didn't notice but I know he must have known. We kind of laughed it off and dismissed it. But for the rest of the night I was half-distracted by this issue.
I mean this is a close friend of mine! We can't be walking around with the same glasses every time we go out! What kind of look is that?! If we talk to girls or whatever what are they gonna think? Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I mean I'm not sure if people really can notice two people wearing the same glasses but I gotta think they must. On top of it now my new favorite glasses are all corrupted and copied! It's a big mess. Not sure how I'm gonna handle it yet. Maybe, I'll probably just go back to my corroded green ones when we go out to save myself to mentalnessicty...