Book Slumping

I used to read books all the time. When I commuted to work I used to always have a book with me. Books on deck too! I'd wait for books from my favorite authors to come out and get them first day! And pretty much no matter what the book was... I finished it. Even if it sucked totally. I had to finish it. But lately I just haven't been reading books at all unless I'm like far away from my apartment for days on end. And even then it's still sort of skimmy. For the past few years there's been a gradual decline in the amount of books I read per year no question.

The last book I read was when I was away a month or so ago. I read Marley and Me. Light on the brain and fast. Fine. Good. Other than that this year I don't think I finished one other book. I've dabbled. If someone recommends a book to me I'll read 20 pages or so and then feel like I got the gist of it and abandon it. Someone will be like, 'Hey! You gotta read Everything is Illuminated!' I'll be like, 'Ok! I will! I'm gonna!' 50 pages later its a coffee coaster and I'll be annoyed at it for some reason. Occasionally I'll go into the bookstore and buy a book. A new science fiction something or other. Or I'll dig through shelves for some new horror or something. But time after time I'll leave with a book that I'll put down after three pages. Or not read it at all. Where's the good horror since King?

This might be a bummery post but I really just want to figure out how to fix this problem because in theory I love books. I do! But after the internet, the five dopey magazines I get, and television, and movies, and Roscoe, and everything else. When am I supposed to read? In bed? I get too sleepy! On 10 minute subway rides? That's what the Post is for!

Plus I have to learn to quiet the voice in my head that chimes in every time I try to read! I'll sit down with a book and right away the voice is like, 'Oooh! Look at you! Mr. Adult! You're reading a book! Good for you! Bookworm! Nothing is on TV anyway, right? You're probably getting smarter by the minute, huh? You certainly look smarter! Hey! Is that book good? The cover looks good! How many times are you going to reread that paragraph? Let's go for seven! Wait, who is that character again? Why are you so bad with names? Maybe you should read something 'important' instead of that! Does it look blurry? Maybe you need new glasses? How's the book smell? Oops. Sorry. Ok I see you're trying to read. Sorry. I'll be quiet (10 seconds of quiet then) Hey!! Booky McBook!!! fook mook nook pook rook check your email! zook mook! watch pornook? rook zook zook zook tv zook zook!' GAHH! STOP! Shut up! Shut up and let me read!

Even on planes (the former guaranteed book reading situation) I'm screwed. The last time I flew somewhere I took two books with me on JetBlue. But JerkBlue jerks stuck a TV screen right in my face!! How the hell am I supposed to read with a TV staring me dead center in the face! A TV I can control! Even if I shut it off I see the screen at the seat next to me! And sometimes they have something cool on! What's that goofy dog doing?! He's wearing a dress! That looks funny! Maybe I'll watch rugby! Is that Bachelor Party? I haven't seen that in years! I want to see!

I do want to read more so I guess I got to change my ways. Figure out how to quiet whatever world I'm in and enjoy the words on a page. Use my brain instead of having my brain used. I guess I could go to a park and sit there. But if I go to a park I'll bring Roscoe and I can't read with him staring at me wanting to go somewhere. It's probably just a phase I'm going through but at some point I'm gonna have to learn to break myself away from the computer and just sit with a beer and dig into a book again. And make the voice in my head shut up once and for all.

But what book? That's still a problem for starters...

So read something good lately? I like horror, sci-fi, high action drama government stuff, John Irving, Stephen King, Harry Potter, Tom Wolfe, Jon Krakauer, Paul Auster, Dennis Lehane, WW II history books (in theory), and books about dogs. I don't like books that are supposedly funny, or biographies, or highly respected literary masterpieces.

Post suggestions HERE please.


ok bye!