World Cup Shmuck

I don't really care about the World Cup at all. I care that people care but I don't dare care more than my share of the Underwear Pear Fair... which is where?... in the hair lair? There's only one friend of mine who is really into World Cup this year and that's only because the bastard just got friggin hi-def and all he talks about is how "good" it looks. I don't even think he's watching the game. I think he's watching the grass grow.

I wish I was interested in World Cup. It sure seems like alot of fun and I don't find soccer on TV to be any more or less boring than golf or baseball whatever. Alot of people are into it so it would be nice to make the effort to properly bandwagon. Plus most of the local bars have been all over it, all packed with fans and pseudo-fans... plus boozy chicks seem to like it too. But for the most part, I don't know why World Cup is such light event here in the US when all over the world it's so super huge.

It's like when the Olympics come around the TV marketing people smash you in the face like, "THE OLYMPICS ARE COMING! IF YOU DON'T WATCH IT NON-STOP THE ECONOMY WILL CRASH! AND THE TERRORISTS WILL WIN! AND THE SUN WILL CRASH INTO THE EARTH!" But when the World Cup comes around they're like, "Oh. Right. .. yeah soccer's back (yawn)... whatever "football" ... it's on ESPN sometimes and some other channels somewhere if you bother to poke around. They think Brazil is going to win just fyi. Ghana... y'know...Italy... y'know...I dunno... Spain...Euro... If you're into that global crap... Just don't count on America to be good at it....because we suck... we'll let you know if (by some fluke) the americans start winning by running a news scroll during 'So You Think You Can Dance'...maybe..."

So that's been pretty much my attitude too as I'm highly susceptible to all marketing campaigns or lack thereof. But that doesn't stop me from talking about World Cup when people wanna talk about it. And I am curious about the hooplah and why they dig it so.

ANYWAY, the other day I sort of infuriated a foreign cab driver by my non-knowledge of World Cup.

It went like this:

We were driving along. I was riding in the back and he's like, "You watch World Cup?"

I was like, "No. Well sorta. Not really. I wanna. I mean kind of...."

Then I babbled something about how I was mad at the US World Cup Marketing Association for being so sucky at their job. He went into explaining why the World Cup is the best thing in the world ever since the dinosaurs died. And how it's the "people's" sport. I could see he had crazy fire eyes over the whole thing. Literally probably has had a boner over soccer for like two weeks straight now. He lovvvedd it. I didn't want to leave him hanging so I asked him the standard questions: Who's winning? Who do you want to win? Who's the best player? Is the American Team bad? Who's the favorite?

On my 'who's the favorite?' question the guy said, "Brasil most likely. Their team has true power. And they won five times so they know how to win."

I was like, "Wow. They've won five times?? I didn't know! Like in a row?"

The guy paused...then was like, "What? In row?"

I was like, "You know, umm... have they won five times... in a row?"

He's like, "In row? What this mean row?"

I was like, "Like did they win last year... and the year before that... and...y'know in a... row."

At this point, we were heading toward a red light and the cabbie hit the brake extra hard and we stopped short.

He turned around and looked at me with his World Cup fire eyes and said almost threateningly, "World Cup is every four years..." (aka "I'll friggin murder your stupid no nothing american head dead if you say one more word about the World Cup.")

I was embarrassed. The light turned green and we drove off. I could see my thinking World Cup was every year was sort of a gut shot to his World Cup fire. I think I knew it was every four years but I guess in my desperation to continue a World Cup conversation I spaced on it. We rode in silence the rest of the way and I gave him a little extra tip because I was scared of him.

I got out and shamefully walked away as he sped off spraying gravel....And probably cranking World Cup news on the radio full blast in a desperate attempt to drown out the fact that he's in America during the apparent glory that is World Cup.

ok bye!