Answering for Victoria

So a few months ago I had to get a new phone number (Blah blah long story short I got in a bad situation with internet phone provider switcheroo attempt router type fiasco mainly the problem was that dell sucks and their integrated network cards are disgraceful like refurbed commodore 64 chips or something).. but anyway ever since I got the new phone number I instantly started getting calls for 'Victoria J.' (I'll leave her last name out of this).

Victoria had super bad credit and she apparently ditched this number when the heat got too harrassy hot. People were all over her. Now her old number is mine. It feels like this phone number has a virus. It's all corrupted and stuff. Literally two or three times a day I'll get a call from some rude credit agency place or random business (btw AOL is actually the most aggressive in trying to hunt down Victoria. They call almost everyday) Anyway, all the phone calls are totally annoying at this point.

The calls usually go a little something like this:

8:17AM - Tuesday

<ring> <ring>

Person: Yes. Can I speak with Victoria? (no "hello" for me)

Me: (sigh) I'm sorry no one by that name lives here.

Person: Do you know how I can get in touch with her?

Me: No actually this is a new number for me. I don't know who Victoria is.

Person: So Victoria doesn't live there anymore?

Me: Right. No. Well, I don't know Victoria. She never...This is a new phone number for me.

Person: Do you have her new phone number?

Me: No...I don't...

Person: ...Or an address?

Me: No... I... uhh...  but I can umm... make one up for your records if that would be helpful.

Person: It would be. Thank you.

Me: OK. She lives at 100... Main... Street... New York, New York... 100...23

Person: Thank you.

Me: Is there a way I can get off your call list considering this is the wrong number?

Person: Certainly. One moment please.

<one minute silence leading to the 'phone off the hook blastingly loud busy signal'>



Even better! Sometimes I get robots calling for Victoria. I'll pick up the phone and a friggin robot that sounds like Mr. Moviefone will say.

Robot: Hello! Please hold for a very important message!

Me: Ok Mr. Robot...

(30 seconds of bad half-static music)

Robot: Hello! We appreciate you holding for your important message! Please continue to hold.

Me: Ok Robot McRobot.

(30 seconds of bad half-static music)

Robot: Hello! Thank you for holding. Your call is very important to us. Please continue to hold.

Me: This must be really important!

(30 seconds of bad half-static music)


Eventually I hang up. I really don't know what to do. I can't seem to scrub this number clean because no matter what I do the calls keep coming. When I ask to be taken off the list I get the feeling they're fake typing on the other end. But I can't go through the hassle of changing my number again. Dags! How bad could Victoria have been??! It sucks because I can barely manage my own credit type situations without having ghost credit hassles coming out of left field.

So wherever you are Victoria! Pay your bills! Make this stop! Please? Pretty please? With sugar? And umm... robot.... sauce?

ok bye!