Sweaty Spiderman Dunce
So it's been like this heatwave for the past couple days here. (Me and Roscoe have been holed up in the one room with air conditioning toughing it out. He hates the heat. He just lies around like a land flounder all day long. Plus the hot streets cracked his paws and I had to put this stuff called Musher's on them to fix em up. He doesn't seem to notice so I guess it's not bad.) Anyway, I wrote a while ago about how I sweat buckets off my head when it's hot out. And when it's like this it gets really bad. It's like I have a showerhead ontop of my head. I don't really sweat under my arms. Just from the head down. I wish I had better sweat distribution. On super hot days my shirt gets all grossly two-toned. Hello, ladies?
Last night, I had plans to meet a chick friend for dinner so I put on like a light button down shirt and wore shorts. My most least sweaty outfit. But I was running a little late and Roscoe needed to be walked. On the walk I just wanted to control the sweat situation by moving as little as possible. Pretty much step pause step pause. We took a slow motion walk around the block and stayed on the shady side. I was actually concentrating on not sweating. I wanted my shirt to stay nice and unsweated up. When we got back to my door I was relieved. I was pretty unsweaty. The plan was I was just going to slowly walk upstairs. Put Roscoe inside then slowly mosey to dinner.
BUT! like a dope I locked myself out! AGAIN! I couldn't believe it! (FRIGGIN AGAIN!) I had less than 20 minutes to get to the restaurant which was pretty far away! And I'm standing in front of my building with Roscoe in 100 degree heat and totally no way in! My landlord is away for two weeks! My brain started spinning into overdrive. Could I bring Roscoe to the restaurant? No that won't work. Can I call to say I'm going to be late to dinner? No phone on me. Can I use a payphone? No, her phone number is in the cell. Could I call my friend who has a spare set of my keys? I guess so but he's like a mile away! I can't walk a mile without sweating it up! And then a mile back to drop off Roscoe! Plus I'll still be late! I couldn't believe it! Just the thought of being locked out set off my sweating. And I had only one option! And there was no way to do it without sweating it up! My no-sweat plan was totally roont!
In heat and shame, I walked next door to the neighbors (this is the third time I've had to do this btw) and do my spiderman break-in move. As soon as the neighbors saw me at the door they knew why I was there. The deal is: They let me walk through their apartment. I scale their rickety wooden backfence (probably 8 foot high) Jump down into the yard behind my building avoiding the patio furniture on the landing which is right under the fence. Climb up the two story fire escape ladder (which is a ladder attached to the side of the building) then climb fire escape stairs for two more flights. Climb in my window. Go out my front door. Head back down four flights of stairs. Get Roscoe from the neighbors. Head back up four flights of stairs. Drop Roscoe off. Then head back down the stairs again. Rush to the subway. Get to restaurant. It was the only way. Fortunately the plan worked.
But sure enough I was sweating buckets just by scaling the fence alone... so you can imagine how I looked by the time I got to the restaurant all late.
Not so hot...