Communication Breakdown

So ever since my cellphone got struck by lightning I've been having major communication issues.

1. I had to get a replacement phone and the woman at the Cingular store told me if I renewed my contract for two years I could get a good deal on a new phone. I went with this thing called Razr phone. It was like $60 after I signed up again and mail in the stupid rebate (which I'm sure somehow I sent in without all the "necessary" info. rebate scammer f-faces!) Here it be:

And let me tell you one thing about these "Razr" phones. I think they suck. Here's why:

1a. The keypad sucks. I get the whole thin thing or whatever but this tron style bullshit number pad is awful. My gorky fingers are just too dorked to get used to it. I like to dial fast! I'm a fast dialer! But I need buttons! I can't feel what I'm doing! And half the time it doesn't even register! And sometimes I'll click 'Send' and put the phone to my ear and wait friggin five seconds before I see that it hasn't sent yet. So I gotta hit send again all angry.

2a. For whatever reason earlier this week I picked up the phone and it said, 'Insert SIM' (the memory card in the phone). My first reaction was 'Someone stole my SIM?' Why would someone do that?' But then I looked inside and there was the SIM card. Untouched. Somehow this Razr phone fried it and fried away all my stored phone numbers I collected for the past few years. I went to the store to get a new SIM and it works but it's all empty and sad.

3a. Yeah it's hit the floor a couple times. That's my fault. I accept that. But it friggin explodes when it hits the floor! The back panel flies off one way and the battery flies out some other way. All clattery! Everytime! I realize you're not supposed to 'drop' the phone but jeez louise that back panel doesn't stick on at all! Sucks!

4a. The other day I called into voicemail and it said something like, 'You have activated your voice retrieval system. You can now retrieve voicemails that have already been deleted. Press 1 to continue. I was like, 'Ok..' 1. Then it took me into this whole retrieval system! I was like, 'Hey! Thanks for the new service but where the F is my regular voicemail box!

5a. The thin thing is overrated. When the phone rings now I have to pat myself down to find the friggin phone! I never had to do that before! My bulky phone always let me know where it was by being bulky. Now my phone could be my wallet. Or my mp3 player. Or my friggin whatever! I want the bulk back!

6a. It's too fancy for my tastes. It might be cheesed. I dunno. It feels like it's a teenager phone or something. And when I take it out, old school people are like 'Ooh! Look at your fancy pants Razr phone! Aren't you cutting edge!' But then gadgety new school people see this phone and they look at it like, 'Nice phone... in 2004! Lame!'

7a. Half the time when I try to take a picture it doesn't work and comes up with some error thing.

8a. It seems to drop calls much more often than my other phone.

9a. It doesn't ring sometimes and it doesn't alert me when I have messages like my old phone did. All of a sudden the pop up will say I have four new messages. I'll be like 'Four!??!' What happened to one!?

10a. They hid the place where I can get to 'Recent Calls'. It used to be one touch away. So if I missed a call I could just go boom bang and call someone back. But now it's four touches away! I gotta go into Menu and shit! But you know what's friggin one touch away? AOL IM! It's like FU and your AOL deal! Right in my face! Put back my 'Recent Calls' button closer! Instead I get 'Dialed' calls a touch away! You tell me which numbers I need more?! The ones that I just dialed? Or the ones that I haven't ever dialed before! I have a phonebook! I store numbers I dial! I don't need your dialed calls being all a touch away without goddags Recent Calls closeby! Stupidos! Fungool!


Ok enough about the Razr phone. If you have one and love it ignore the above.

Let's talk about my homephones. I'll make this shorter because I didn't plan to go off on the Razr so bad but I'm just pissed because I'm stuck with this thing for years because when I checked into getting a different phone they said I needed the original box to exchange it. I don't have the box of course because I cut it to pieces trying to get the barcode off it for the stupid rebate which I'm sure I screwed up anyway! Sorry if I sound like a phone brat but wtf! It's nice to have a new phone I guess but I just want a phone that works! All the time!

Ok again! For the past week my regular home phone has been cutting out on top of it. I'll be talking on the phone to someone and all of a sudden <click> then I can't get the dial tone back for like five minutes. The other day I was talking to someone about doing some actual work for them and it cut out at a point where there was a lull in the conversation and it sounded like I hung up on them. And I can't get the dial tone back! Then I gotta go to my cellphone but the cellphone drops calls all the time in my apartment because my ceiling is made of tin or metal or something. So I gotta stand on my fire escape to finish the stupid call!

The phone guy came out but he couldn't figure out what was causing the phone to drop out so they gotta send some fiber guy or something. So it's still like that now.

ALSO I've totally lost a regular cordless phone in my apartment somewhere. A phone has been missing for like four days and the battery is dead so when I hit the intercom thing it doesn't make the beepy. It's just gone! I ripped my whole apartment apart looking for it. Couch cushions. Behind the bed. Under stuff. In the fridge! WTF! Where'd it go? I dunno! At what point is it like gone forever? I keep thinking somehow I crazily threw it in the garbage or it fell in the garbage or out the window or something. Where's the f-in fone!

AND my stupid Road Runner email account in Outlook keeps yelling at me that I've maxed out the storage and need to delete stuff! Tells me I might not be receiving all my emails. I'll delete stuff then they'll yell at me again a day or so later! I'm like WTF Road Runner! Gmail gives me a thousand million gigabytes of storage free! I pay for your ass and you freak out when I get a 5MB attachment! Fungool Road Runner bastardos!

Ok. I think that's it for now. Feel better now.

Gonna stop communicating this whine now.

ok bye!