Tuna Roulette

So today I headed into the kitchen to make myself lunch. I haven't been shopping in a while so it was sort of slim pickins in there. But there was a can of tuna and some crackers and I had some mini pickle gerks so I figured I was pretty set.

I open up the can of tuna and go into the fridge for the mayo and remember that I'm totally out of mayo! I forgot! Again! I've been out for weeks and keep forgetting! Dag it! And I didn't have anything 'good' to mix in with the mayo with like mac and cheese or whatever neither! So I'm staring at the open can not knowing what to do. I knew I couldn't go eating the tuna straight out of the can like a friggin cat! (boring)-- so I looked around in the fridge for what I can mix in with the tuna to substitute for the mayo.

In the fridge I found relish, bbq sauce, soy sauce, mustard, ketchup, salsa, a few different kinds of jam, and duck sauce. Nothing seemed right. I'd never really ventured outside of the mayo family for a tuna condiment mix and tried to taste in my mouth how these things would go together.

Relish imaginarily tasted ok but the relish was at least a year old-- and I'm not wild about relish to begin with so I dismissed it. Back on the shelf for another year.

BBQ sauce I love but it seemed like bbq sauce has such power that it would totally smother the tuna and be all wrong. No. I moved onto the soy sauce.

I felt soy sauce would taste ok but I didn't think it could stand alone as the sole condiment-- but perhaps it could be a mix with whatever else? Possibility.

Mustard was out. Didn't seem right. Not right. Ew.

Ketchup was out too. Gross.

Then I took a hard look at the salsa. Seemed like a real possibility but somehow it seemed like I felt like there was some sort of clash there. Plus it was old. And too cold. Out.

Jam was interesting but it seemed to ambitious. Like it would work maybe if I was a gourmet of sorts and I could fry the tuna in a pan and like put jam on the side like mint jelly and lamb. Maybe. Who knows. But I smelt a disaster cooking. No chance.

Then I saw the duck sauce. I felt good about the duck sauce right away. Interesting. Somehow the orange and tuna seemed like they could be friendly to each other. Tuna L'Orange and stuff.  And it's friends with soy sauce too! I seen I could do a double combo! Done and done!

So I scooped the tuna onto a plate and dumped a big glog of duck sauce on top then sprizzled some soy sauce on top of that and sort of smooshed it up. Then I gave it all a jolt of vinegar for whatever extra splashyness. When I was done smooshing I looked at it and it looked weird. All gummed up or something. Weird color. But whatever. I considered adding relish but then overrode that. It was done. I sat down in front of the tv and ate it with crackers. Chomp.

Final verdict. Not really great. Sort of ok. Edible but incorrect. The flavors never really merged together. They'd stay separate in my mouth but in a slightly interesting way. I did finish it all and it was fine. I didn't puke or anything... but it's no threat to mayos top spot to say the least by far and then some...

ok bye!