Corporate Black Holes

So since I moved into this apartment I haven't paid a Con-Ed (energy) bill. I just sort of figured that Con-Ed would get in touch with me eventually when they needed me to pay a bill or sign up or whatever. But months went by and I hadn't heard from con-ed and I started to think that maybe I fell into one of those black holes where somehow I was getting free gas and electric. Lights were on. Gas was on. But I never a bill. Maybe I became some glitch in the system or something. Free energy for the past six months!? Maybe forever?

This sort of thing happened once with my credit cards a while ago. I transferred a balance to a lower interest card. And the next month I got a bill from the old card with a zero balance. Then I got a bill with the new card but the transferred balance hadn't appeared. Then the month after that it hadn't appeared again! Both bills have a zero balance! I was like, holy underwear! did my debt just drop into a black hole?

Of course not. Con-ed got in touch with me last week saying they're shutting of my everything in 3 days if I didn't get in touch with them (I thought that was a little rude for first contact with a 'new customer') and they sent off a bill right away too for $285 for back payments. Bastards. And of course my credit card balance did eventually appear on my new credit card.

Who knows why it took so long and I don't know where I got the idea of the myth of the black hole. There are no black holes within corporations when it comes to billing. If you want a black hole you gotta create your own. Just like I did with MCI. They kept harassing me for money I didn't owe. For eight months. Hours on the phone with those liars. I tried my best to fix it. And every month I'd get a bill that I didn't deserve. They'd lie. Over and over. I was like in a negative black hole with them. So I created my own positive black hole to cancel out their negative black hole. I changed my billing address to a fake address (100 Main Street. Apartment 5. New York, NY 10014.)

I never saw a bill from them nor heard from them again. Black hole. Right back atcha. Done and done.

ok bye!