Voicemail Pounding

Ok, if you call my apartment and get my answering machine you get a five second message. It just says 'Hey it's Todd leave me a message I'll call you back ok bye...' like fast. Boom done. Beep. I still use an old style machine at home that actually records the message on the actual answering machine.  So no voicemail. Beep. And you're in. And I get tons of compliments on my quick message. People like the rare expresslane to the beep. I mean when you call someone on the phone there's really one of two things that'll happen, right? One. The person you're calling will answer the phone and you'll talk. Or two. They won't answer the phone and you'll leave a message at the beep.

But the beep isn't the "beep" anymore and hasn't been for a long time! Because friggin robotlady always comes on babbling about other options! Check this out! I recorded two robotlady messages. One is EIGHT seconds long! The other one is over TEN seconds long! EIGHT!   TEN! Ten friggin seconds! Friggin robotlady always has to stick her friggin buttmouth right in the beep's path with her various nonsense "press 1 options"-- like paging someone! Paging?!? Hey! Ahem! Paging the voicemail people! 1979 called! They want their technology back!

I mean c'mon! Let's just get to it! Isn't calling and hanging up on someone the same thing as paging or a leaving callback number anyway!? Even if it's not, how is it such an optional priority to have it offered everytime when 99.9% of the time people are just waiting for a friggin beep!

I mean let's say you call 10 people a day. And you listen to 10 seconds of robotlady per call. That's 100 seconds per day of robotlady. Times 7 days a week. That's 700 seconds of robotlady a week! Right? Times 4 is 2800 seconds of robotlady a month! Times 12! Is... is... I don't know that's as far as I can go mathematically but it's gotta be way too many seconds!! Especially for someone as annoyingly condescending as robotlady!

Yeah I know on alot of voicemail systems you can hit pound and bypass the message-- but that's not a universal standard! You can't count on it! Sometimes with some junky systems, you hit pound and end up trapped in voicemail nowheresville where entering a security code is the only way out! And you're screwed! Then you gotta hang up and call back and go through it again-- and be all tripley pissed!

Just give me a friggin beep! Nobody cares about your multiple options! Nobody is paging Dr. Nobody for nothing! Robotlady even burns time telling people to leave a message at the beep! People already know what to do at the beep! They just heard the 'real' person tell them to!... and would be busy doing so if robotlady wasn't yapping away!

ok bye!


PS. My solution for phone company people is make the "pound" key a universal after-message standard option to 'page' the Robotlady. Demote her to an afterthought! Done and done! Universal Pound! Oh! And while I'm at it, always include the option to listen to and erase and re-record after someone leaves a message! For us lunkheads who can't talk right!