Long Overdue Apology to Uncle Lai's Smorgasbord
Ok back in college there was a local place called Uncle Lai's Smorgasbord. Once in a while on a Sunday when we (my frat brothers. tke.) were hungover we'd all truck to Uncle Lai's and drink Mai Tai's and eat a TON of chinese food. Uncle Lai's was all you can eat. For like $12.00 you could just sit there and eat all day long like a big pig. It was buffet style and actually pretty good. Beef sticks, egg rolls, soups, and all the beef and broccoli sesame chicken shrimp snow pea pods chompidy chomp! Plus big umbrella drinks!
Anyway, one day about eight of us headed to Uncle Lai's to friggin chow down. We were all totally hungover and decided that drinking might help fix that. We were real smart back then. So we sat and drank and ate and drank and ate and drank. I remember eating a ridiculous amount of food. We might as well have been sitting at the actual buffet table. Seven or eight trips with a clean plate. Probably the most I'll ever eat in one sitting for the rest of my life realistically... hopefully. By the end all of us were disgustingly full and sitting there like holding our bellies like gross kings.
After gathering strength, we paid the tab and headed outside. And as soon as we were out the door-- one of us friggin puked all over the place! Right in the parking lot in front of Uncle Lai's! It was hysterical and horrible. So much puke! So sudden! We had to jump away! After he was done puking he bragged how much better he felt. I was a little jealous. We all were. And seeing barf made us wanna barf. So us brainiacs all decided to try and puke.
I think seven of the eight of us were actually successful in making ourselves puke. It was super disgusting because we just finished eating so the upchuck was way colorful. Veggies etc. One after another we gagged and tried again and coughed up and spit until we puked on the puke on the puke. We all puked in the same spot. So much barf! By the end it looked like an elephant puked or something. A giant puddle of puke. Right in front of the friggin restaurant.
(please keep in mind I'm not a jerk and feel guilty about this and this was back in the day when i was an extra duncey jerky college kid).
We got out of there pretty fast because Uncle Lai probably would have chased us with a cleaver or something. And I remember on the way to the car, I saw a couple heading toward Uncle Lai's... and they saw the puke everywhere in front of the restaurant. I guess they took that as a bad sign for some reason because they just turned around and left. To this day I feel bad about it because the people at Uncle Lai's were really nice to us-- and us jerky college kids repaid them by super puking right in front of their place. Horrible.
So, Uncle Lai, I offer my sincerest apologies for that day of puke everywhere.... I can promise you it will never happen again.