Roscoe's Gutter Catch
I thought I wrote about this a while ago but when I look for having done it where I don't see anywhere where I might have did it then. (how's that for grammar!?)
Anyway, Roscoe likes eating things off the street. Basically anything that's edible or slightly edible or practically inedible-- he goes for it. Lurches and strikes. And late night on weekend it's like a buffet on the street. Chicken wing bones. Shrimp tails. Crusts of bread. And on the other side of things I've pulled a flat old mouse out of his mouth and once a turd. Discriminating tastes. Good times.
I can tell when Roscoe snaps up something he's psyched about because he turns his head away from me and starts walking faster all trying to be secret. But I can hear him sort of smacking his jaws trying to eat whatever it is as fast as possible- because he knows I'm going to take away whatever it is.
One night a while ago, Roscoe grabbed something off the street and got bouncey and nutty about it. I reel in his leash super fast and wrestle at his mouth trying to get in there to see what he got. And I'm disturbed to feel that it's something big and unidentifiable... and sticking out both sides of his mouth. His jaws are clamped shut so I try to just pull on the thing from the side but it's slippery and slimy. I try from the other side and pull. And out comes good amount of the mystery catch. I hold it up but I can't really make out what it is-- but I can see it has bones. I stare at this thing and it finally comes clear that I'm holding a friggin old fish head and a good amount of friggin fish spine!
I look at the other side of Roscoe's mouth and see the tail sticking out the other side. He's all impressed with himself with a look on his face that says, 'Flavor!' I'm like, 'Holy F! You have a whole fish in his mouth!!' I got all paranoid about the bones and stuff and pry open his jaws and extract this disgusting old fish in pieces. A fish that he found in the gutter on a Brooklyn street. It was old! It stunk! And he wanted to eat it so bad! I was like, 'What is wrong with you, dummy!? You don't want that!' He was like, 'No Dad! I do! I really do! I don't know why! But I know I do! Fishy! And free!'
Finally I get every fish part out of his mouth and I practically puke because of the gross smelly slime on my hands. And on our corroded walk home I wondered... who the hell throws a whole fish in the gutter on a busy street?! A whole fish? In the city? Who's fish was it? Why was it there? Who ditched it? Why not a trashcan! I dunno. Friggin gross. Old fish is gross. Roscoe's gross.... and sometimes I'm gross.