Not Meeting Parker Posey
So last night I went into to the city to have dinner with a friend of mine at some place. We sat at the bar and ordered food and drank some stuff. We're chatting about this and that or whatever and I didn't notice a girl sitting behind where I was sitting. By herself reading a magazine. That girl was Parker Posey. If you don't know who she is she was Lex Luthor's girlfriend Miss Krababble in Superman Returns and she was this braceface chick in Best in Show
Here's how the seating arrangement was:
I didn't notice her the whole time I was sitting there which says something about my obliviousnicty but whatever! We get up to leave and a couple of Parker Posey's friends come in. They're a little chatty so while we're putting on our coats we kind of say hello to them. When I saw Parker girl I thought, 'That chick looks just like Parker Posey!' So when we get outside I'm said to my friend, 'That chick looked just like Parker Posey!' And my he was like, 'That was Parker Posey!' So I was like, 'No way! Was she sitting there for a long time?' He was like, 'I don't know half hour or whatever. She was reading a magazine by herself.' I was like, 'Why didn't you tell me?!' He said he thought I knew and was "just playing it cool". I was like, 'I'm not that cool!'
Ok. I'm not like a star freak or anything but while we're sitting there I figure you throw out a mumble with an eyeroll to make sure I know that Parker Posey is sitting there! Then I can do the obvious slow look around like I'm looking for the bathroom or whatever for confirmation. Just as an FYI. And nod! But on top of it figuring she's sitting there by herself reading a magazine maybe I could annoy her by saying something to her! Maybe bring her into the conversation! Then I can be writing about that conversation now! Instead of this rant crap! Who knows maybe she's very nice! Maybe she was bored and wanted to talk to some bald gork! Maybe she has a thing for bald gorks! Maybe we would have hit it off totally and I could have taken her on a date! Then we could have done kissy and made out! And eventually we could make Parker Posey babies and I can be like her K-Fed and make a rap album that sucks and she can kick me to the curb! That would be awesome!
But no! I didn't get the heads up! So me and Parker didn't have a chance! Whatever. But I feel in celebrity related situations there is always an obligation from friends to say something... just because! Especially when it's Parker Posey sitting right over there reading a magazine by herself! Right?! No? Oh. Um. I'm a gork? Yes.