Online Wedding Registry Grrrr

So today I went online to buy a wedding gift for a wedding I went to months ago. I went to and found where the couple was registered. That was the easy part. Then it got like annoying and headachey. Here's a listing of the stuff that annoyed or bothered me:

1. I went to the wedding by myself and I don't really know how much I'm supposed to spend. People say, 'Whatever it costs per plate is approximately what should be spent for the gift. But how am I supposed to know how much they paid per plate? Is that number printed if you turn the dinner plate upsidedown or something? WTF? I never had a wedding! I don't know what stuff costs! And you can't call up the bride and say, 'Hey! What was the dollar amount per plate for your shindig?' Right?

2. When choosing off a registry sometimes things feel too random. Like say 3 forks and a butter knife fits my budget but nobody has bought the spoons or the knives or the other forks and it's months after the wedding-- would they really want just the three lone forks and a butter knife if there's a chance no other forks and stuff aren't gonna be bought?

3. If I buy something that's like leftover registry scraps because it's months later (like a gravy boat saucer or whatever) it feels extra impersonal and lazy. I know the couple wants stuff off the registry but doesn't the extra leftover stuff make for a weird thank you note? Like, 'Hey! Thanks for the gravy boat saucer! Every time the gravy spills out of the boat we'll be thankful it's not on the tablecloth! Thanks to you! We love it!' People can't treasure a gravy boat saucer. Right?

4. The shipping charge is sort of a factor. Like let's say I want to spend $100 on a gift and shipping is $15.00. Now it's $115 I'm spending technically. I get mad that the place is ripping me off that way but it feels weird to drop down to $85 to make up the difference. Even though technically it should be ok maybe or something. Or not.

5. On checkout at Fortunoff, they kept telling me I was filling out the billing address wrong-- but they didn't highlight where my mistake was! They flagged me 4 or 5 times before I figured out that I didn't put the country in the drop down tab! Whatever! I said New York damn it! Get it by zip! And when I did the drop down Afghanistan was listed first! FU with your alphabetical listing! USA at the top please! Always! Unless I'm in Afghanistan!

6. Gift wrap. Do I really need to gift wrap something that's off their registry? I guess it's nice and all but isn't the whole point of gift wrap to be a surprise thing? And if the people selected their own gift can't I just pass on that? I mean do they even want it gift wrapped? Isn't it just a hassle and extra garbage? Then again it is a gift...

7. Gift card text. On the online checkout they give you like 5 lines to write something with room for like only 5 words per line. Can't they just figure out how to allow me to type a friggin paragraph without doing their line by line stupidness! It's 2006! Figure it out! Why do I have to tab tab tab and edit my message to fit your stupid format!? FU!

8. Buying a wedding gift brings up hazy memories of wedding gifts that I may or may not have remembered to buy over the years. And makes me feel like I should research that but then I don't and feel guilty.

9. All this registry stuff made me feel like I should just get something totally off the registry. Something fun! Something special! Something they won't forget! Something like this awesome Monkey Coo-Coo clock that makes screechy monkey noises every hour on the hour!

Who wouldn't love that?! Now that's something they're not gonna forget ever! Right??

No?.. oh.

ok bye! eee! eee!