Mister at the Urinal
This morning I had to head into the city to do some stuff. Before heading in I distributed Roscoe's 'hunter treats' (little snack treats hidden all over the apartment so he has some activity while I'm gone) then I put on the TV for him. (Fox). He likes it.
(I know I talk about my dopey dog way too much! Let's just get that out of the way!)
This is embarrassing and I probably shouldn't be admitting it-- but sometimes I talk to Roscoe in a goofy voice and call him "Mister". I tried to remember who the voice reminds me of but I couldn't remember. Like Hans Moleman or Truman Capote or something. I don't know wtf, ok?! So I recorded it here.
I told you it was embarrassing!!
Anyway, sometimes while I'm out-- I think about Roscoe. I wonder what he's doing. Is he drinking out of the toilet right now? Is he asleep? Looking out the window? I'm not really worried or whatever. I'm just more curious. I think it's funny that he's doing something or doing nothing. But once in a while I'll feel bad that he's all by himself. Like I imagine him all sad and staring at the front door like a dope for hours waiting for me to come home.
Ok here's the extra embarrassing part! So today I was in a diner for breakfast. I had eggs and bacon and like two cups of coffee. After I paid the check I headed downstairs to the bathroom to pee. I unzip and hitch up to the urinal. While peeing I thought about Roscoe and for whatever stupid reason I said out loud, "Oh no Mister.... Mister's all by himself..." Immediately I heard a fake cough come out of the bathroom stall I was standing next to! Some guy was in there making dookie! I didn't know! Gah! All he heard is in some wacked out guy who just walked into the bathroom say, 'Oh no Mister... Mister's all by himself...'
What the hell was he supposed to think?! How does one interpret that? Did he think I felt bad because he had no company in the stall?! Or that he was just sad to be all alone in the bathroom? Maybe he thought I was talking to my penis! I don't know! All I know is I zipped up and got the hell out of there before I was even done with the shake!