Yesterday I decided to do something healthy. I've had a slight cold for like two weeks and I'm finally getting over it so I figured I should do... something. I can't exercise in my apartment because I can't. I can't join a gym and I don't like weights and stuff. I can't play basketball because I can't go left. So I decided to get the hell out of my apartment and try this yoga-healthy-health-holistic-spiritual-chakra-spine-meditation-vegetarian-vitamin type place around the corner from my apartment. It's $14 for a single session and I went to the 5:00 class. And for the most part I embarrassed myself.
Here's what was bad about yoga:
- I showed up 5 minutes late and said 'How ya doin!?' all loud to the chick behind the desk as soon as I walked into the place. She whispered back "fine" and made a grimace face. The class was already in session and apparently I was being way loud.
- I walk in and the room was full with like 20 girls in the class and no guys. They were all chanting some chant and I felt like I was intruding on a evil chick secret society. I stood there like a dope in the doorway because there was no empty space and the instructor had to stop her chant and tell me where to put my mat.
- I wore cut-off baggy sweatpant shorts and during half the exercises my underwear and 'unit' were like all exposed. You shouldn't wear shorts to yoga unless you want to put on a show.
- I still have a bit of a cough and during one of the peaceful quiet breathing exercise I went into a whole coughing fit and then tried to hold in the coughs and started making weird snorty through my nose.
- At one point you had to swing your legs and back all up in the air and my shirt fell down around my neck then I fell over sideways and my legs hit the wall all loud and then I fell down
- I got caught staring at one chick by some other chick during one really good ;-) stretchy exercise. I was like staring at this one girl and I look over and the girl next to her is staring at me staring at the other girl.
- I farted a squeaker at one point and the girl next to me heard.
Anyway, at the end the instructor put on this ohm ohm type music and we were supposed to clear all the thoughts out of our heads which I found to be impossible. I kept thinking about stuff and then thought about clearing out that stuff but then more stuff started coming in and I got annoyed cause I realized I was thinking about all of that stuff and clearing out that stuff instead of just thinking bout nothing. Then this lady totally fell asleep and started snoring sawing wood all loud and I thought that was funny so the meditation was over at that point.
So I'm not sure yoga is for me. I was stressed out for most of the class cause I didn't know what the hell I was doing and stuff. But I think I feel healthier today. I'm not sure really. My right arm hurts and my neck hurts so I guess I did something right.