Mofo Dog Bootie Braggart

So today I was walking around in the snow with Roscoe which is sort of difficult in the city because people go berserk throwing salt all over the sidewalk. Every storefront and apartment house is like nuts with the salt. Throwing it everywhere. I know they gotta. Slip and fall lawyers are everywhere and stuff.

(And yesterday I did see some lady fall down today and I like ran over to help her up. People always look so friggin stunned right after they fall down. It's like one moment they're off in their head thinking if they need to buy milk or whatever-- the next they're on their back, a little hurt, a little wet, and some absolute stranger is grabbing at their arm asking em if they're ok.)

Anyway, walking a dog through the salt is no fun because the salt can get in their paws and they hate that, right? So I try to walk around the salt but its just everywhere. Once in a while Roscoe gets salt in his paw bad and he'll start limping and whimpering-- And he'll keep one paw off the ground all pathetic like. He'll look at me all panicked sad like, 'Burning! Dad! Mine foot feel burning!' It's a sad scene. People stop and want to help and stuff. But whaddaya do? I just hold his paw in my hand to warm it up or whatever--  and then have him walk it off. Sort of heartbreaking. Then when I get home I rinse off his paws in the shower.

Anyway (again), today I was walking along and the salt thing happened. Roscoe started whimpering and looked confused. I took his paw in my hand and held it to warm it up (he whimpers all heartbreaking) when this dude walking by and in a snooty tone says, 'Salt problem?' I look up and see he's walking a dog too... Except his dog has friggin dog booties on its feet! The guy sort of does a nod toward his bootie wearing dog. Like showing off his dog's dog boots or something!

Meanwhile my dog is whimpering! I looked at this guy like, 'Yeah mofo... I got a mofo salt problem!! I have a mofo solution tho! How bout I chuck an mofo iceball in your mofo grinning face and give you mofo mouth problem! Maybe knock out one of your mofo teeth!!! (So... umm...  you can... look like my mofo dog! Yeah! He... umm... just had a mofo tooth pulled... and... so you would... umm... mofo match if I did... that.)

But I didn't say anything and he pranced off with his boot wearing dorky dog. After a minute a two Roscoe was walking back to normal. As we walked home I looked at Roscoe and seriously wondered if it was a good idea if I bought booties for his feet. Like maybe they have cool ones. Like military or something. I mean shouldn't his feelings come first? His salt problem rise above any embarrassment I may have? Who cares right? Could I walk a dog with boots on its feet? Could I actually go there?

Then some cute chick stopped to pet Roscoe and I decided right then and there in terms of dog boots--  I very much couldn't never...

Sorry Roscoe but daddy has feelings too...

ok bye!


UPDATE: To the people who emailed and posted me calling me a jerk for not putting boots on my dog's paws -- I realize I sounded insensitive-- but the salt paw panic really only happened just two or three times this winter. But I will put this stuff on his paws before we go out on snowy days (I didn't realize the stuff worked for salt) from now on. I'm not a jerk. I'm a good dog dad. You should see these dogs slipping around in their boots! (And no I'm not ashamed to dress my dog. Roscoe has a cute jacket. But I guess boots on dog feet just seems like one step too far... so to speak...)