The Truth About Jake
So over the weekend I watched Sixteen Candles for probably the 15th time or whatever. I haven't seen it in a long time. Probably like six years. Whatever. I was psyched that the movie totally held up through the test of time! It really does. Better than I remember. It's straight out legitimately funny (still!) and Anthony Michael Hall is hilarious-- But this time around I noticed something I never really noticed before... about Jake.
I mean I know all the chicks had crazy crushes on this guy because he was all 'cool' and 'cute' and drove a Porsche and all that....
But let's come clean on something. This guy was a total dick!!
Here's a short list of reasons why Jake was a dick:
1. First off! He has a party in his parents house and he lets it get totally trashed. The wine cellar gets smashed and bottles smash all over the floor! Does he care? No. People graffiti the walls and try to spin pizzas on his turntable and throw toilet paper in the trees. Anything Jake? Still don't care? Girls are going into your Mom's closet and wearing her fur coats and pearls. Maybe wanna step in here? No! WTF Jake?! It's one thing to have a party while your parents are away! It's another to let the place get totaled and not lift a finger to stop it! What a dick!
2. Jake's girlfriend was totally wasted and messed up drunk. So what does he do? Help her? Put her in a bed? No! He kick slams the door right on her hair! Granted Jake and the girlfriend were on the verge of breaking up-- but does he have to be such a dick to her!? Slamming the door on her when all she was doing was being drunk flirty. And weren't they slow dancing just hours before? (She didn't even seem that bad! I know she arranged the party but it's still HIS responsibility!)
3. He calls Molly Ringwalds house like 10x in a row in the middle of the night trying to get in touch with her! Over and over again!? And keeps hanging up. Then acts like a tool when he gets someone on the phone, '... may I briefly converse with her?' WTF! TOOL! Jerk!
4. He brags to Farmer Ted about how he can 'get a piece of ass' whenever he wants-- then to prove this point he continues to brag about how his girlfriend is out cold upstairs and that he can (quote) "violate her ten different ways" if he wanted to. Nice. Date rape. Charming.
5. Farmer Ted has Molly Ringwalds underwear and Jake wants them. (perv) So he negotiates a deal with Farmer Ted. If Farmer Ted (basically a stranger) gives Jake the panties then Ted can take a car and drunk drive home Jake's passed out girlfriend. And he (the dreamboat?) gives this 14 or 15 year old kid (who doesn't have a license and admits he has never driven before) keys to his father's Rolls Royce! Total disregard for the girlfriend's safety and his father's car!! Has he no respect for anything?! Plus, his ex-girlfriend ended up having sex with Farmer Ted too! Did he care? No.
So all you chicks that thought this 'dreamy' guy was the perfect guy! Take another look! Watch the last half-hour of this movie closely! See what a dick this guy was in real life in the movie! Plus he looks like he's 27 and he's hooking up with like 16 year old! You do the math there!
Sorry to spoil this for you, ladies--- but this guy was a friggin dick!