Man/Dog Comparison

I admit it. Some days I'm jealous of my dog. Yesterday was one of those days. I know I'm too involved with my dog or whatever for some people. But I thought about my day yesterday compared to Roscoe's day. Not that I can complain about my day at all--- but Roscoe totally can't!

Put it this way. Here's how our calendar/journal matched up:

8AM Wake up and make coffay. Remember that I forgot to buy milk again. Get mad at self. Wake when Man awakes. Then go back to sleep. Dream of swimming and horses.
8:20AM Drink coffay. Try to wake up. Surf net. Turn over. Stretch. Stretch more. Fall asleep.
8:30AM Screw around and update stuff. Get mad at computer bug. Restart. Sleep flat on back. Enjoy self. Enjoy dogness.
8:38AM Tell dog it is time for his belly rubs. Enjoy belly rubs from the Man. Right on schedule.
8:45AM Dash off a stupid email to someone. Wish I saved to drafts before sending. Work on a 'smart' follow up to cover up stupid me. Jump off bed. Stretch back. Look around. Sniff around. Look out window.
9:00AM Gather up laundry to bring to the laundry place. Sniff jeans to see if it's time to wash them. Bark at laundry. Tug at shirt. Let go. Stretch. Grumble.
9:15AM Head out with dog. Drag 35lbs of laundry to the place. Get treats at place and love and praise. Leave to pee.
9:20AM Watch dog pee on feet. Make mental note. Pee on feet. Enjoy the warmth but not the wet.
9:30AM Realize I forgot my cellphone. Too late to go back. Already heading to dog park. Doody on ground in front of people. Feel shame. Get over it fast.
9:31AM Get out baggie. Pick up doody. Feel shame. Get over it fast. Smell other dog's urine. Take in top secret information. File.
10:00AM Arrive at dog park. Try to ignore the one dog park person who I don't like so much. Play! Run! Wrestle! RUN!!! RUN MORE! FREEDOM! FENCED IN FREEDOM!
10:15AM Get trapped in conversation with person I don't like so much. Person doesn't believe in global warming and laughs at polar bear problems. I avoid argument. Run up the hill! Run down the hill! Run up the hill! Get chased! SNIFF!!! Chase! OOH!!! CHASE ME! SMELL BUTT! FRIEND! PLAY!
10:25AM Wish I got more coffee on the way. Search pockets for gum. Doody time! Again!
10:26AM Get out baggie. Pick up doody. Get excited because another dog friend has arrived!!! The one who likes to chase! Chase meeee!!!! RUN MORE!
10:45AM Decide to leave dog park. Decide to leave dog park.
11:11AM Make 11:11 wish. Pull Man toward pet store to get treats.
11:15AM Refuse to go into pet store and keep walking. Dog briefly protests. Decide against going into the pet store today. Will definitely go tomorrow.
11:20AM Arrive home and walk upstairs. Arrive home! Run upstairs!
11:28AM Prepare lunch for dog. Shake taco-style shredded cheese on top for extra flavor. Eat lunch. Make mess in the process.
11:30AM Clean up mess. Hear noise. Run to bed and bark out window at dog that sounds just like me! Bark more!
11:32-1:00PM Listen to dog park at own echo while working on finishing taxes. Put all in envelopes and add way too many stamps to subdue paranoia. Say goodbye to money. Lick own penis. Enjoy special ability.
1:15PM-2PM Reward myself for finishing taxes by playing Quake 4 multiplayer online. Come in 2nd place three times. Decide to nap next to toilet. Slightly cooler there. Preferred location for afternoon nap.
2:05PM Start freelance project that I promised myself I'd start two days ago. Drink from toilet. Go back to sleep.
2:08PM-3PM Play Quake 4 demo. Come in first place! Type taunts to InDus and weedhorse. Wonder how Man stares at light box for sooo long.
3:02PM Check how things are going on website. Type up some stuff. Update stuff. Answer emails. Check boards. Walk into computer room. Fart terrible fart. Smell fart. Enjoy fart.
3:13PM Put shirt over nose. Terrible. Laugh. Fart again. Terrible! Giggle inside.
3:15-5:30PM Work on five different things at the same time. Finish none but make progress on one. Then call friends on phone. Talk bout stuff. Try to gather thought.
5:40PM Head outside to mail taxes and walk dog. Decide to go outside with Man and walk around.
5:45PM Mail taxes. Say phew. Stand next to tree. Lift leg away from tree and pee all over sidewalk for fun.
5:50PM Bump into someone who I've met 10x but still don't know their name. They call me by my name. I'm embarrassed. Eat something off ground. Tasted weird. Ignore taste.
6:00PM Decide to pick up laundry. Decide to get more treats.
6:15PM Arrive home. Heat up old chinese food. And make dog his dinner. Microwave one egg for 20 seconds. Not too hot. Put on top of dog food. Stir. Add water. Decide to have an egg with dinner. Was served slightly cold. Make mental note for Man. Immediately lose mental note.
6:30PM Sit on couch. Watch TV. Sit on couch. Stare at flashy colorful noisy box Man seems to like way too much.
6:48PM Watch dog food commercial. Dog barks on TV. Go CRAZY! There's another dog in here!!! BARK BARK BARK! I HEARD A DOG!!!
6:49PM Stare at dog. Bark! BARK BARK! BARK! DEFEND! DEFEND! DEFEND! WHERE DOG? ME? who...
6:50PM Stare at dog. Forget what barking at. Go to sit on couch next to Man again.
6:50-7PM Pet dog behind ears and scratch back. Yawn. Enjoy scritchies.
7:00-9PM Work on stuff and stuff. Catch up on stuff. Try to get organized. Post on boards and RoscoeCam. Promise tomorrow will be productive... or else! Naptime again. Evening relaxation.
9:15PM Finish "working". Head out to meet friend at local bar that is dog friendly. Bring dog. Decide to head to local bar I like.
9:30PM Drink beer with friend and talk. Lay on floor. Accept compliments and pats and love from strangers.
10:00PM-11PM Notice that dog is attracting girls lots of girls. Notice I am not. Jump on girls. Kiss girls. Accept hugs and kisses and strokes. Accept compliments. Look cute. Be cute.
11:12PM Some girl asks me if I am aware my dog is a "chick magnet". Unsure what the right answer to that question really is-- so I mumble something incoherent. Watch Man blow it again. Kiss girl he just mumbled at. Kiss her on the mouth.
11:15-Midnight Try to turn conversation with girl away from dog conversation to human conversation. Unsuccessful multiple times. Lay on floor with back legs splayed like frog. Enjoy praise and squeals of cuteness. Stick out tongue.
12:15AM Head home. Jerk dog away from street trash on the way and fail. Groan. Lunge at delicious mysterious treat. Got it! Now something in mouth! Delicious!
12:16AM Wrestle old disgusting chicken wing bone out of dogs mouth. Fight for it. Allow Man to take mysterious treat out of mouth. Didn't want it anyway.
12:30-1:30AM Watch Deadliest Catch on TV. Realize what hard work is. Think that my day was pretty good. Feel pretty happy. Feel happy!!!! Feel sleepy!!!
2AM-4AM Time for sleep. Fight for bed space in MY bed with dog. Try to sleep soundly. Time for sleep. Fight for bed space in MY bed with Man. Try to sleep soundly.
4:15AM Talk dog off ceiling. Tell him to relax and everything is ok. Feel love for dog. Feel like hero. Feel love for Man.
4:20-7:48AM Sleep and dream of work... and boobs. Worry about world. Sleep and dream of deliciousness and fun and action and running and unknown things that are good. Don't worry about world.

So when you look at it that way...

ok bye!