Praying in the Backseat with Tim
So the other day I walked really far with Roscoe because I've been thinking about getting new glasses and I saw this place on the internet that supposedly is the best eyeglass place in the world!!!!... or whatever. Check out these great reviews on citysearch! Seems totally coolio! I walk like two miles to get there and basically got totally ignored. The guy gave me one pair of glasses and then walked away and didn't ask me anything nor try to stop me when I walked out. Friggin citysearch liars...
Whatever. I walked all the way there in flip flops (because I was scared to take the subway with Roscoe for fear that I'd lie to a cop again and they'd 'call it in' and find out I got a ticket for exactly the same thing just the other day and THEN maybe they'd slap the cuffs on me for being a jerk) so whatever. My feet were too burnt out from the walk back so I decided to take a "car service" (which are basically beat up Town cars) back to my place ($8.00).
I get in the car with Roscoe and the guy immediately says, 'Whoa! Your dog is a movie star! That's Tim right?' I'm like, 'What?' Then he slams on the gas and pretty much peels out swerving hard to avoid a car that was pulling out of the space. Roscoe slipped over to the side and hit the door. Nothing bad but I pulled him over to me and held on to him because I knew we were in for a ride. I was like, 'How is this guy driving nuts? He knows there's a dog back here!... not to mention also a human...'
The guy is totally speeding and I start my inner argument about telling the guy to slow down and question why I can't speak up. (Yes I'm working on it!) The guy turns and looks back and says, 'Man, he looks just like Tim! He's Tim in the movie!' I was like, 'Which Tim?' (But in my head I was like, 'Jeezus! Slow the fk down! At the least stop turning around to talk to "Tim"! The guy said, 'Tim what's his face! You know? Man, I wish I had my cellphone camera...' And I'm thinking, 'Does this guy know dog actors by their real name? How could he possibly....? And if he is totally into dog actors... How does he not see that my dog isn't Tim! If anyone would know it would be him!'
The radio blares something in Spanish and my driver picks up and answers back. I hear him excitedly talk in spanish then mention something about 'Tim...' He hangs up the radio and speeds up for a yellow light. I hug Roscoe to keep him from flying to the side. We were turning down onto the side streets so I figured there was no way he could keep up that speed but sure enough he hit the first speed bump full speed like it wasn't even there. I think he sped up for it. I thought the car was going to break apart...
I asked the guy again what movie he's talking about. And he was like, 'Y'know! What's is called? Fluffles! The movie! You know with Tim Whatshisface!' I scan my inner IMDB to try and find what the hell he could be talking about. Finally, I hit on it! Not Fluffles! Shaggy! Shaggy Dog! That terrible movie starring TIM ALLEN! I was like, 'Ohhhh! You think my dog looks like Tim Allen!' He snaps his fingers and says, 'That's Tim!' as he swerves to avoid a pedestrian who was crossing against the light.
Finally I couldn't take anymore and asked him to just pull over and let me out. We hop out and Safe on the sidewalk, Roscoe looked at me like, 'What the hell was that?' I was like, 'I don't know, Timmy boy. But I tell ya. I didn't dig it...'
shaggy picture link here