Party People in the House

So over the weekend I was invited to head into the city and go to someone's apartment party. Someone I don't know. A friend of a friend of a friend's friend cousin's friend was having a party for a friend or something-- and anyone could come apparently. I'm always nervous to go to parties like that. A place where I know I won't know anyone but the people I came there with.

I always think I'm gonna walk in and there'd be like 10 people there and everyone is gonna look at me wondering what I'm doing there. Or it will be packed with people who all totally know each other and I kind of wander around all night feeling like I'm trying to horn in on personal conversations. Or the host will wonder if I just wandered in off the street and am busy stealing stuff. Or I'd feel weird and want to leave immediately-- but I'd be trapped because I just got there. Or I'd trip and fall smashing down on the coffee table splattering a drink all over the stereo and short it out-- and there'd be dead silence and someone would click a flashbulb picture of me.

To be honest, I don't really understand why anyone would want a big open house party. I just don't get how anyone has the balls to do that. Like once I went to a party in Los Angeles years ago where there was this big giant house which basically had the doors wide open. Anybody could walk in. (even me!) I was walking around watching this mansion get wrecked and thinking like, 'Who lives here?! Who wants this?!' And apartment parties in New York are like random people just packed into a few hot rooms. Smoking and drinking and wandering around touching stuff. That's like my biggest nightmare!

The idea of total strangers in MY apartment is beyond me. Where's the fun for me? Like, random booger dude digging in my fridge with his hand in my pickle jar!? Dopey chicks sitting on my bed smoking? Then someone spilling wine all over my dog as a joke? And I see a mystery stain on the couch and puke in my sink? And my toilet overflows with diarrhea? Then some drunkard tumbles off my fire escape and I'm sued forever? Who needs that? Then the next day I get to clean it all up!? Maybe I'm anti-social or whatever but I simply don't get it. I guess I wish I could be more relaxed about the idea of having a party-- but without outside space it seems totally mental to me.

Anyway, I couldn't motivate on Saturday anyway, I just bailed out and stayed inside and ordered some chinese and watched (for why I have no friggin idea. zero.) ordered Dreamgirls (puke!) off the TV (coughloser)-- wondering why I wasn't out and about meeting people and "having fun"--- But appreciating not almost as much.

Maybe I should have a party or something.

ok bye!