Lunch Lick Question

So today I made myself some tuna fish. Mixed it up in a bowl with some mayo. I have no bread in the house and so I took out a dozen crackers and planned to make little tuna hors de voors and chomp em up. I also brought out a pickle (sour) and some pretzels (rold gold) and a coke (zero). I put everything down on my coffee table and flipped channels to settle on a lunchtime show. CNN? Corey? Pick Up Artist? Judge Whoever? Then the phone rang. I headed over into the other room to answer it and ended up chatting for a couple of minutes.

When I walked back into the TV room I see my dopey dog is standing at the coffee table... licking my lunch! Licking the tuna! (uh huh huh) And I'm like, 'WTF!!!' His whole nose and mouth were in my tuna bowl! I pulled him off of it and asked him WTF? He looked at me like, 'Dude. You left your friggin lunch at my head level. If I didn't go for it you'd have no respect for me. Right or wrong?'

Right right. But I looked at my tuna sadly. I was really hungry and psyched for it-- and now it was contaminated. I knew I had another can of tuna in the kitchen and I could dump this out and start over. But I didn't wanna. I just wanted to eat it. The debate in my mind ping ponged a little. I mean the stupid dog sleeps in my bed with his urine paws and I don't complain. But if a friend stuck a pinkie in my tuna I could never and eat it. And the dog licked it! But he licks my face after he licks his wang and I don't complain. It's no big deal. But his tongue has been hanging out in his gross dog mouth all day! But... but... but... his butt....but...

Whatever. There was no real choice. I just friggin mixed it all up and took a big bite of the contaminated tuna to break the food ice. Who was I even fooling to debate not eating it in the first place? He is my dog.

ok bye!