Worst. Car. Ever.

OK. When I rented a car in Los Angeles I went through this site called hotwire.com. They somehow amazingly found me a cheapy rental at Enterprise for $13.95 a day. I was like, 'Umm.. ok!' Seemed super cheap-- but it was the real deal deal. I check in at Enterprise and they tell me they have me down for a Ford Focus. I'm like a goony big person and the Focus is all small and seems matchboxy.

After I fill out the form at the Enterprise counter, some car rental dude actually walked me to my car. And he tried to try up sell me on cars along the way. Offered me a Cherokee for like $15 more a day. I was like, 'No thanks.' We keep walking. Then he offers me a White Kia SUV for $10 more a day. I was like, 'I'm good with my Focus thanks.' Then he was like, 'You can have that one for $10 more a day too.

It was this car:

I was like, 'I'm really ok. Thanks.' I had never really seen the car before. I thought it looked kind of cool. Like a gangster car or something. The guy could see it caught my eye. He was like, 'Only $10 a day.' I was like, 'I'm really good.' He was like, 'I can do $8.' I was sort of stunned. I'm never like 'haggled' on the spot at a rental car place like that. I passed on the $8. He said, 'We can do it for an even $20 a day. Deal?' I took a look at the Focus looking all death trappy and stuff and agreed to take the Dodge Magnum off the lot for the next four days.

I get in and the first thing I notice is how big this car is. It's like a big boat. A tanker. I was immediately uncomfortable and felt stupid for having this big giant car for me and my little suitcase. It was scary. On the way out of the lot, I almost turned back but didn't want to deal with the big car hassle but I thought maybe the car was fast which could redeem it.

I turn out of the parking lot and almost crash into another car immediately. I make the turn and go to switch lanes and I hear a horn blaring. I jerk the car away from the noise and was stunned that I didn't see a car next to me. Really close. The guy had to drive into the emergency lane to avoid me. I forced myself to stop fiddling with buttons and just drive. I get on the highway and floor it on the ramp. It's sluggish. Disappointing. No like good G force snappy feeling. But whatever. I drive down the highway and go to switch to the right lane. Another horn blast! I jerk back into my lane! WTF! Did I forget how to drive or something?

Then I realized what the problem was. Take a look at the side and back windows of that wagon. Not only are they extra narrow and small but they're also tinted very dark. I guess my natural peripheral vision that I have when driving doesn't work at all with that car. For the rest of the trip I was paranoid someone was next to me that I wasn't seeing. I kept looking over my shoulder...

Other things wrong with this car:

- Besides the shockingly big blind spot (not kidding almost crashed this car 5 times). The view out the back window sucks too. It's all tiny. I couldn't judge at all when I was backing out of a spot.

- The car feels just too big I'd constantly be pulling into parking spaces all crooked. Gotta take a wide turn just to fit into a regular spot.

- The A/C fan direction knob was backwards. Blow on face should be first click. Blow on feet or defrost should be last click. This was feet first. Face last? WTF?

- The rear view mirror is too close to the ceiling. So you can't like grip the mirror straight on because fingers can't fit over the top. So you have to do it from the side all dainty like.

- The right side of the steering wheel has two things sticking off of it. One is the cruise control the other is the turn signal. But the turn signal is underneath the cruise control bar so when you slide your hand down the wheel to signal you clonk into the cruise control thing and you gotta like go around it-- if that makes sense. Another natural driving thing thrown off.

- The radio was confusing. There was literally like 7 ways to change the station. Turn the knob. Fast forward and reverse. There was Scan. P-Scan. Seek. P-Seek. Cock Scan! Whatever. I'm like, 'Just gimme the friggin old analog radio if you're gonna do this crap!! I just want to change stations!!! Too many buttons!' Oh also, to set a station it's not 'Push and hold' the number and get the beep. You gotta hit 'Memory' first then choose what number you wanna set. WTF!!

- Also digital clock would disappear when the radio is on. I kept turning off the radio to see what time it is.

- In retrospect it's not a cool looking car in my eyes. And it's called the 'Magnum'.

I'm not a car snob or anything. (It's kind of hard to be one when the only car you own sits on a shelf in your house)... but man this car was just 'uncomfortable' mentally. I wish I had just taken the Focus.

When Enterprise dude started haggling for me to take this friggin Family Truckster... I should have been smarter than a friggin Griswald.

ok bye!

PS. Sorry to any "Magnum" owners out there. This, of course, all might be personal taste... sort of...