Couldn't Deny It. Supplied It.
Banana Republic did something surprisingly nice and I have to give them credit. They sent me a gift card for $15 cash because my birthday is coming up and I guess they have that in their records somewhere or whatever. I was like, 'Now that's nice!! Free monay! See other companies? That's what you do! Give stuff for free! No strings! Now I like Banana Republic! And it only cost em $15 smacks...
Anyway, this morning I took Roscoe for an early walk, drank a pot of coffay, and ate an apple turnover. Then I headed to go on my $15 free shopping spree. On the way there I noticed I was pretty farty. Just blast here. Blast there. I was in the street so I whatevered it. I didn't smell anything. They weren't loud. I was just windy. (I even thought about the idea that I was being powered down the street.)
I get to the store and some cute girl comes up and asks if she can help me. I flash my $15 gift card and let her know I'm willing to blow it all! She asks me what I'm looking for and I told her a white button down shirt. (Boring I know but I like white button down shirts! I have two. One has a stain and the other is dingy!) So this chick brings me over to the shirt section telling me this and that-- being cute about stuff. I wondered if she was being flirty. She seemed flirty-ish?...(Or more likely she was just bored because it was early and the store was empty. Or most likely, she wanted to sell me stuff.)
Anyway, for whatever reason I wander away a little to look at stuff and absent mindedly sneaky-style let go of a fart. There was pressure there, ok?! It was early! I had alot of coffee! I had been farting non-stop for at least 15 minutes and I hadn't smelled anything on the way over! I was in fart mode or something! I figured it was a non-stinky one.... :-(
Any she comes over a few seconds later and needless to say it was NOT non-stinky. It was an egg fart. Bad. Bomb style. There was no where to turn. No one else to blame. Roscoe wasn't there. I was just me in that area! I was standing in it! I could see her expression change a bit when the stench hit her. It was so blatant that I totally dealt it that I almost apologized! I hustled to move to another area but I could tell the brown cloud was following me around. I felt shame and was mad at myself! This could have been my future wife and I farted her out of my life! I don't care how much of a playah you are-- you can't talk your way around an egg fart introduction.
After things cleared up I got my white shirt and paid for it and got the hell out of there-- amazed that I could take a cheery moment like having a free $15 card to spend... and quickly turning it something that stunk.