The 4AM $100 Yeller
Last night I woke up to the sound of someone yelling outside. I awoke into that weird haze where I wasn't sure if the yelling was in a dream or was there someone actually yelling in reality. But there was someone yelling. Right on my street. Yelling about wanting his one hundred dollars. Literally at the top of his lungs.
"I want my hundred dollars back! And I'm not going anywhere until I get that money!"
I looked out the window and see some 20-something drunk dickhead yelling away.
"Until I get my f**kin one hundred dollars back I'm gonna stay f**kin right f**kin here!!!"
So super loud. As loud as he could yell.
Roscoe and I put our chins on the windowsill and looked out at this dude pacing angrily. Going on and on...
"I ain't going home until I get my motherf**kin money, motherf**kers!!! One hundred!"
The dude was obviously trashed. Who knows what he was talking about. After a bit of time I whatevered it and tried to go back to sleep but the guy wouldn't stop yelling. Shouting demands. So I got psyched up for police sirens-- hoping for a little action jackson head on hood-- but five minutes went by. Ten minutes. No cops. Just yelling.
Apparently they weren't called because if they had been they would have been there in 2 seconds. The precinct is just a bunch of blocks away and I've seen them screech up this street before at the slightest thing. I started to wonder if I personally needed to actually call the cops. Uch. Was this guy 911 worthy? Probably not. Was I gonna have to get up and google my local precinct and call direct? I couldn't decide what to do.
So I did nothing and went back to looking out the window with Roscoe thinking about that old story about that woman who got murdered years ago in front of her building and nobody called the cops. Apparently, my neighborhood was experiencing a much watered-down version of that sociological whatevering.
Then I heard a door slam and stomping across the street in coat and pajamas was this old man I recognized from the neighborhood. He started yelling at the kid.
"What the hell are you doing!? Do you know what time it is!? Get the hell out of here?!"
The yeller guy was immediately shamed up. He said, "I just want my hundr..."
The old man was having none of it. "I don't care if you want a million dollars! It's 4 o'clock in the morning and people are trying to sleep!"
The yeller guy stared at the old man for a second-- then asked him for a cigarette. The old man snapped back, "Go home! Get some sleep!! And stop with this nonsense..."
It was quiet. The guy drunk shuffled off. And the old man stomped back into his house and slammed the door. It was kind of coolio seeing the old man of the neighborhood take care of business and be the hero that way...
Especially when the rest of us were just staring out the window wondering why nobody was calling the cops...