My Gym Workout

I wasn't gonna tell this story because it's all long and stupid-- but here I am telling it!

Ok. On New Years Eve day I was walking around and I had it in my head that I wanted to start 2008 on a healthy new leaf or whatever. I wanted to be better to me. I passed by a local gym that was relatively fancy and saw they were running some sort of promotion to get people to sign up. No initiation fee or some crap. I walked up to the desk and said I wanted to sign up for the gym. Totally impulse decision.

I go into this office with this chick and she asked me what my 'goals' are. I was like, 'Umm... I dunno... be...doing.... more.... feel.....good... umm... lose..... stand straigh...Ooh! I like sitting in the steam room!!' She was like, 'Okay. That's fine. Would you like a tour of the gym?' I told her that it was unnecessary as I wouldn't be able to spot anything that's not there. She was like, 'Ok. Umm. Ok.' As long as there was a steam room I'd figure the rest out. She told me she'd set me up with trainer guy Carlos to get me on a program and I said that sounded ok. I was sort of in a haze of 'Why am I doing this? Run! I don't wanna talk to Carlos! Get out now!' Which was being overridden by some New Year resolution rightfooted-ness. Right then and there I agreed to a full year and signed the papers and paid the first month.

On the walk home, I bumped into a friend and told her what I did all proudly. She said, 'You're never gonna go y'know. Hope you didn't agree to a year...' I was like, 'FU! You'll see!!!' She totally gave me prove-her-wrong motivation! When I'm walking around this summer in a muscle shirt showing off my big guns and new bicep tattoo that says 'KID AWESOME!' I'll show her who "didn't go". BOOYAH!

Anyway, I get home with this packet of stuff and start going through it. Pilates. Spinning. Boxing. Yoga. Cardio. Calendar. Sculpting. On and on. So much stuff! I started to have doubts. I called a friend of mine and told him I just joined the gym. He told me that was a terrible idea. Told me that walking my stupid dog around town every day is plenty of exercise and the whole 'work-out' thing is crap. Told me if I eat healthy and walk around that's all anybody needs. Told me if I started working out I'd gain weight anyway because I'd eat more. Told me I should google how all exercise is overrated. Umm...  Whatever! Umm... More motivation! Bad logic motivation!

But I did start thinking about that I really do actually walk 2-3 miles a day with Roscoe and maybe that is enough. Reality started to set in. I called another friend who loves working out and told her what I did. She yelled at me for joining a 'fancy' gym. Told me I need a simple gym. Basic stuff. That I don't need all that stuff because all I really want to do is run in place or do elliptical whatever. What's the point in the whole circus style gym? She told me I'd hate the classes because I don't like people yelling at me and I'd get annoyed.Hmmm... I looked at Roscoe. He was like, 'Don't look at me! I'm in great shape...' Dick.

I started to get scared about my impulse buy. I locked myself in for a year! Signed like three things! It was expensive! I wasn't in the mood for a fight to get myself out of this. But I found out from another friend that with all consumer contracts you have 3-days to cancel. Dumb consumer protection law or something! Phew! An out! I decided to see how I'd feel in three days. If I work out and love it then I'd keep the membership. If I get myself in the workout zone and change my attitude--  I'd just do it! I decided to push myself and really give it a go!

Three days later, I show up at the gym to cancel. I hadn't been there once. The girl who signed me up wanted to know why I was cancelling. I told her considering I'll probably never show up here ever-- it probably doesn't make sense for me to pay for it every month. She told me she'd have to call in 'Iggy' to process the cancellation. Iggy?

Iggy was the gym manager guy. Big ex-marine trainer guy in great shape. Really into the gym and gym lifestyle. Very nice guy too. He started doing the 'save the membership' pitch thing. Told me that he'd give me a one-week extension free with no risk. Told me to forget the three-day cancel thing. In one week if I didn't like the gym he'd cancel me no problem no penalty-- he said, 'Let's give this one more shot. What do you say?'

I'm sort of a wimp when it comes to confrontation and just sat there nodding my head and thanking Iggy for giving me this generous extra chance-- but I was really thinking, "Fruck! Now I gotta come back here again in a week to really cancel?'  I knew there was no way I wasn't gonna cancel. Not sure why I couldn't refuse the offer on the spot. They just were so nice about it. And there still was a tingle of.... maybe?

One week later, I show up again to totally cancel and meet with Iggy. Told him that I hadn't showed up at all. He knew he was defeated. That I was 'that guy'. He was nice about it and we processed the paperwork and I was out the door....

But I did make a mental commitment to go on longer walks with Roscoe! And to try and eat healthier! Less salt! Less carbs!

And I really do feel like that's really enough... at least for me.

The end!

ok bye!