Sad Pickles Should Be Illegal

So the other day I was out at a diner with a friend of mine and we both got sandwiches or whatever. They came with pickles. His pickle was like all normal looking. Big and crunchy. My pickle was the opposite. It was sliced weirdly thin at an angle. Like it just sort of trailed off on the cut. It was all droopy and sort of hollowed out a little like a canoe. Sad. It looked 'used'. And it came along with the stem which looked mushy and gross. Like my pickle had been passed from plate to plate to plate for days trying to find a taker. Daring somebody to eat it.

I looked at his pickle (yes, feel free to insert your dick joke here.) and ( feel free to insert your 'insert' joke here) And compared his pickle to my pickle (yawn insert gay pickle joke here) and I got sort of mad. I think pickles that are all messed up looking just shouldn't be served! Especially when they're up against someone else's pickle that looks normal! I was personally ashamed of my pickle. Like the restaurant said, "You are less liked!" in pickle-speak. Yeah, I guess have asked the waitress for a new pickle but that seemed petty or something-- plus I'm shy.

In any case, if you run a restaurant or diner and you are thinking about putting a sad pickle on a plate-- think twice!! Nobody wants your sad gross pickle! When in pickle doubt! Throw the pickle out! People like nice big and firm pickles!

ok bye!


PS. Speaking of pickles... What's your favorite brand/place to get pickles?