Germ Paranoia Babble + Gone for the Week

Hey! So I guess I'm sorta germphobic. The other day I got on the subway and it was standing room only. I don't dig standing room only (not because I mind standing although I do prefer sitting) but because it makes me touch the subway bar to hold on and I don't like touching the bar to hold on because once I saw someone who was holding onto the bar sneeze all gross in their hand then they went right back to holding the bar-- and that affected my bar holding situation forever because whenever I grab the bar I always assume that that sneeze just happened to that bar a minute ago -- and it's all fully contaminated with ebola style snot.

(BTW-- Once I saw some mom let her kids ride up and down the subway bars like firemen poles and I was horrified. I was like, 'Honey! Your kids are germy disgusting enough as is! Do you really not mind them sliding up and down on the disgusting disgusting pole! All the way down to the bottom! To the floor!? Bad moming!') Or is it?

Ooooh! This reminds me of another story! Really quick! Ok...

Back when I worked in book publishing there was this dude who would pull his pants and underwear all the way down to his ankles to pee at the urinal! You'd walk in and his butt would be out and his pants would be down to the ground. Like a 'big boy' learning. I'd be looking at him like, 'Dude! Why are your pants down to your ankles like you're three!?' This guy was like a 50 year old executive type too. It was just weird. It was like his mommy taught him that way but never took it back. Ooh I just thought of another story!

At the same publishing house, the bathroom on our floor had four stalls. And whenever I had to go in there to make a doodybomb I'd always pick the first stall on the right as you walked in. My theory was nobody liked sitting in the very first stall by the door-- so it's probably underused. And my secret hopes were that it was so lightly trafficked that I eventually became delusional in thinking that maybe nobody used that particular stall-- but me. It was never particularly gross. And I appreciated living in the fantasy world of having a 'private' stall.

Anyway, one day I walk in there and it's destroyed. It was like a crime scene. Get this? (gag) The toilet is doodified with doody logs and paper and everything is 100% unflushed! (This was my secret stall!!!) And, (double gag) there's a newspaper spread out at the foot of the toilet all like open to the sports section AND (triple gag) there's a half eaten sandwich in tinfoil sitting next to the newspaper! You do the math on what it took for someone to just get up and leave the scene of that accident! My personal stall was ruinified forever! I had to switch to three but the logic for three was never as strong!

So whatever! Ok! ANYWAY

This week I'm going away! Down to Puerto Rico with my family. I'm flying with Mom! My brother is a honcho where he works so he got totally hooked up with this big place on the outskirts of PR somewhere and we're all gonna hang out. Haven't even packed yet but the one thing I know I'm bringing-- Simon (the old electronic game). You tell me how well that's gonna go over. No! I'll tell you! Awesome! Ages 3 and up! I just don't know if it'll go thru security ok. We'll see. I'll take lots of pictures and stuff and try and catch a lizard!

(Roscoe will be in doggie day care hanging out with his friends and he's pretty psyched about that although he's completely unaware of the fact that anything is happening.)

Also to be upfront about stuff-- because of the freelance work that I had to crank thru this month (to keep my lights on + grr procrastination along with the now going away time)-- I had to apply for an extension on the June toon. And it was angrily approved. I'm hoping to have both toon and gameage for July now! Doing my bestest. I knew monthly would be a problemo because everything turns out to be a bigger thing than I imagine in my head-- but I think it's all for the greater good. I swear on everything sized apologies for my slackdakari and all that.

But for now I'm gonna fly away tomorrow and lie in the sun for a week and chillax and try and stay off the interwebs and catch lizards and play Simon and have underwater races with my nephews and grill stuff and drink frozen drinks and do it up. And the site will return to normal over next weekend. The normal procrastination will jumpstart again...

Bestest of good vibes to y'all! And thanks for being here and hanging in there and for all the goodness...

Ok bye!

PS. Do you have a gross or weird bathroom/work story? Type it up and send it in! [email protected]



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