City Idiot in the Pasture

I don't get to see cows that often. Maybe a random cow or two every five years or so. I didn't grow up around cows. I've never worked on a farm. But I think cows are nice. And I like petting cows on the nose. I've always known them to be nothing but friendly.

Ok. So here's what happened down in Puerto Rico.

I was driving around with my mom and I told her I was pulling over because I wanted to take some pictures of the cows. There were baby cows there too and I wanted to pet them. I pull the car to the side of the road. The cows were just roaming free! Nobody around. I did notice that some of the cows had horns. I wondered if I could touch their horns. They just seemed so docile and nice and stuff. My mom is from the Bronx. I think we were both on the same page re: the cows with horns thing.

Off I go stomping into this fenceless field. I took this first picture from a ways away.

All the cows stopped eating grass and were kind of staring at me like. Dude, 'What do you want? Why are you like.... here.'

They were really cute so I started stomping further into the field. And I took this picture.

And that's when they started walking away. The little baby ones looked really cute! Look at the ears! I didn't want to follow them too far into the field tho.
I was scared I was gonna step in doody or something-- but I also wanted a close up picture!

And as I got even closer I took a good look at that one with the curly horns (left side. lol currently making doody) and I was like, 'Hey. That cow looks just like those cows they run from down in Spain! During the running of the... cows?.... wait a sec... is that a.... can that thing like... mess me up?' Then that one cow (on the right) there stopped walking away-- and started staring at me weirdly.

At this point from behind me I hear galloping hooves. I turn around and from across the road I see this guy riding on a horse! I'm like, 'Oh coolio! A dude on a real horse! He's actually using a horse for actual transportation! I'm really rural!' Then I see that he's actually riding toward me!  Like right at me! I was like, 'Is that cowboy guy coming to talk to me?' I was a little excited to talk to the cowboy. Maybe he had some cow info?

He charges up and yanks his horse to a stop right next to me and here's how the conversation went.

Me: Hi.


Me: No espanyole. Pictures. Camera.

I point at my camera.


Me: Just pictures. Camera. Photos.

I turn the camera around to show the pictures I took. He's not interested.


Me: Ablo Englishay?


Me: Ok. Ok! Whatever. I'm leaving. Jeez...

On the walk back to the car (sorry no pictures of the cowboy. I was a little shaken up. not used to being yelled in another language by a man on horse) I was thinking to myself that that guy was such a dick! That if he didn't want people taking pictures of his cows maybe he should put up a fence! What was the big deal anyway? I get back in the car and asked my mom if she saw the cowboy yelling at me. She hadn't but she was excited that I talked to a cowboy. I pointed at him as he galloped down the road out of sight.

Then my brain clicked in a little after a bit. I started realizing maybe the guy wasn't a "dick" who didn't like me taking pictures of his "cows". The word 'bull' finally floated into my head. And I was like, 'Ohhhhh... that guy wasn't a 'dick' at all! He was just trying to save my life is all! I get it now... And a wave of... "Man am I stupid or what?!" washed over me and crashed down on my head.

Meanwhile, how surprised would I have been if I got all gored up and mushed by a bull! Super duper surprised that's how surprised!

ok bye!




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