Passive Aggressive Sewing

I don't know how to sew a button. I've mentioned this before. I realize this is something I should know how to do.  I understand this is a basic skill that everybody should know. I'm sure I could probably figure it out in a few hours if I just sat down to look at the physics behind it. But whenever a button pop comes up I always stare at it and run down the list of things I will need to do to replace this button.

1. Find the button or replacement button.
2. Buy a needle.
3. Buy thread.
4. Buy a thimble (for professionalisms sake)
5. Buy one of those needle pillows for fun. Maybe in the shape of a tomato.
6. Have band-aids on hand for the multiple finger stabbings while learning.
7. Wear safety goggles to protect eyes.
8. Attempt to thread needle.
9. Mumbling/grumble.
10. Finally attach button weirdly to clothing hanging off all loose.
11. Repeat #1 after button falls off within a matter of hours.

So what do I do when a button pops?

I bring it to my local dry cleaner/laundry woman and have her sew it back on. I'm always apologetic when asking and I plead stupidity for my not knowing how to do it. My previous local dry cleaner woman (previous happening: the one who didn't knit me a hat) would do it without charging me. (Recently she left to go back to Malaysia to take care of her mother. I found this out when I bumped into her in the street and she started crying telling me she had to head home and was leaving. Then she hugged me and continued sob weeping for what can only be described as an uncomfortable length of time from the dry cleaner woman friend. Literally minutes...)

The new dry cleaner woman has been really nice and I bought her dog biscuits to get her going with the routine of giving Roscoe treats. We've been getting along fine. Recently I asked her to sew a button on a pair of my old brown pants. She seemed ok with it and asked me if I had the button. I told her I didn't but I wasn't really concerned about it. Didn't mind what kind of button she wanted to go with. I could see she had a shoebox full of buttons and and assumed she'd just do the closest one.

When I picked up the pants I was sort of stunned to see that she went outside of the standard to replace the button. I couldn't tell if it was done because she wanted to send me a message not to bring her stuff for button sewing. Or if she has a different fashion sense. Or if I'm just over reading into it or whatever... But when I said I didn't mind what kind of button she sewed on my pants. I figured it might be brown. Or black. Or even blue...

But this is what my pants look like now.

And to be honest, I sort of don't mind. It's kind of a fun conversation piece. As long as I don't mind bringing attention to my groinal area to tell the story...

ok bye!


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